


Drop-Me-Not

by Taliax



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Crack, Dream Drop Distance, Drop Gauge fails, F/M, Friendship, Humor, Minor Love Triangle, Minor Romance, Mostly just friendship and crack though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-13
Updated: 2015-05-01
Packaged: 2018-03-26 13:50:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 27,901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3853060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Taliax/pseuds/Taliax
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sora doesn't hate a lot of things, but the Drop system is one of them. Being spat out of one universe and into another can get awfully annoying. Crackfic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Should Have Gone to those Meetings, Sora

**Author's Note:**

> So, how I spawned this odd thing… I can think of so many awkward situations the Drop Gauge could cause. XD Plus I wondered what happens to Sora when the player is controlling Riku, or vice versa. And then there was some inspiration from some of Raberba girl’s stories where the characters have off-screen lives. This is definitely a crackfic. :P

Suddenly, right in the middle of a very important cutscene, Sora was smacked in the face by a wave of dizziness.  The buildings of Traverse Town contorted like he was looking at them in a funhouse mirror, and Neku and the black-coat-guy blurred out of sight.

“What?  Why am I so… sleepy?”  He clutched his head, trying hard to cling to consciousness, but he would’ve had better luck fighting knockout gas.  He passed out on the hard ground.

Riku was going to tease him forever if he found him like this.  What kind of Keyblade Master fell asleep at the very beginning of the test?

 “Huh?”  Neku paused in his fight with the black-coat guy to look behind him.  Sora had seemingly dropped out of existence.

Oh well, back to fighting.

XXX

 “Nrgh…  Where am I?”  Sora blinked, feeling completely refreshed aside from a very annoying headache, which seemed to be fading quickly.  Probably from hitting his head on the ground in Traverse Town… wait, why wasn’t he in Traverse Town?  He was sprawled on plush carpet that smelled like it had been vacuumed recently.  He could hear the sound of a vacuum, too.

“Oh, hey, Sora.”  The vacuum turned off.  “Wasn’t expecting the whole ‘Drop’ thing to just spit you on the floor.  You’re okay, right?  If you’re dizzy try not to throw up on the carpet, I just cleaned it.”

“Roxas?”  Sora asked, recognizing the voice and standing unsteadily.  The voice laughed.

“Ven, remember?  I’ve been here since two games ago.  Well, three now.”  Oh, Ven.  That made sense.  Sora had thought his voice sounded too hyper to be Roxas.

“Hi, Ven!”  Sora replied cheerily, shaking off the last traces of his headache.  “Sorry, I’m still a little out of it.  Where am I?”

Ven grinned and gestured grandly to the hotel lobby-looking room.  “Nomura thought we deserved a new place to stay, with the new game and all.  Don’t worry, we moved your stuff already.  You get the biggest room, lucky.”  He didn’t sound too jealous, though.  “But you can see that later.  Aqua probably wants to explain some stuff to you.”

Sora was pretty confused by the info-dump.  When did they move, exactly?  Probably as soon as he left for the Mark of Mastery Exam.  Why wasn’t he told about it, though?  And what did Aqua need to explain?

“Okay.”  Sora followed Ven into an elevator, where some waiting music that sounded like “Lazy Afternoons” played in the background.  “Cool, the last place only had stairs!”  Not that stairs were that much of a pain, but Sora was fascinated by elevators.

Ven grinned.  “Just wait ‘til you see the swimming pool.  It’s no ocean, but there’s a huge water slide.  Demyx’s been playing there all day.”

“Awesome!”

They stopped at floor fourteen, and Ven led the way down a hall to a spacious room at the end.  Sora gasped at the numerous huge screens lining the walls.

“Riku!”  He ran to the biggest screen, almost tripping over an out-of-place beanbag and the person sitting in it.  Sora said a quick apology without looking to see who it was.  He was more interested in what was on the screen:  Riku talking to a boy who introduced himself as Joshua.

“Idiot, I’m trying to watch here!”  Vanitas got up and shoved Sora aside before plopping back down on his beanbag.

“Sorry, Vani.”  Sora grinned.  Vanitas growled.

“I _told_ you never to call me that.”

“Lay off him, Vanitas,” Terra said from the beanbag next to him.

“Why should I?  He’s an idiot.”

Sora shrugged, ignoring Vanitas’s usual insults, and went back to watching Riku.  He and Ventus had to stay standing up because the two other boys were using the only bean bags.  It was strange to see a cast of characters like that simply watching TV, but there was a constant truce on this side of the Fourth Wall that kept Vanitas from attacking them, or vice versa.

“Hello, Sora,” Aqua greeted, walking up from behind him.  She turned to face Ven, who had been prodding the spikes of Vanitas’s hair while the others were watching Riku.  “Ven, are you finished with your chores?”  Sora wondered when Aqua had started assigning chores – if he remembered correctly, that had been Saïx’s job since _Kingdom Hearts II_.  Maybe it was because Saïx – or Isa, he wasn’t sure if he had changed his name back or not – was needed somewhere _Dream Drop Distance?_ Sora didn’t know.  Namura wasn’t going to give them all the spoilers, even though their memories from this realm didn’t carry over inside the Fourth Wall.

Ven hid his hands behind his back and summoned his most innocent look.  “Everything looks clean to me.”

Aqua put her hands on her hips.  “I told you, we can’t treat this castle like we did the last one.  Remember the melted ice cream drops all over the carpet?”

“But we just moved here!”  Ven protested.  “There aren’t any ice cream drops to clean up!”

“ _Ven_ ,” Aqua said in her motherly “I’m-warning-you-young-man” tone, and Ven sighed.

“Fine, I’ll finish vacuuming.”  He trudged off after flicking Vanitas’s hair one last time, provoking a stream of threats from the black-haired boy.  Aqua rolled her eyes but stifled a laugh.

“Nomura decided that with a change of castle, there should also be a change of duties.  I organize the chores and other assignments around here now,” she explained, “so I’m trying to get everyone in the habit of keeping this place clean.  Not that most of them listen…”  Aqua gave Terra a light punch on the shoulder, and Sora laughed.

“Hey, this is way more important.”  Terra didn’t take his eyes off the screen.  “Riku’s technically my protégé.  I need to follow his progress.”

Vanitas snorted.  “Yeah, right.  You’re just too lazy to clean the toilets.”

“It’ll get done; I always took care of my chores in the Land of Departure.  Besides, I don’t see _you_ washing any windows.”  Terra glared at Vanitas, who smirked.

“My Unversed did that hours ago.  _I’m_ a bad guy, and I actually help out around here.”  It was rather ironic, since Vanitas had always weaseled his way out of chores when Saïx was in charge.  Sora wondered if his change had anything to do with Aqua.

“Only because you don’t have to do any work yourself.  You just have your minions do it.”

Vanitas growled and shoved Terra, apparently tired of the verbal battle.  They began arguing and wrestling with each other until Aqua ordered them – in her “mother-demanding-respect” tone – to settle down.  Vanitas smirked, apparently having come out with the upper hand, while Terra crossed his arms.

“I apologize, Sora.”  She sighed.  “Riku will have to Drop soon.  Follow me; I’ll explain as much as I can about the new schedule.”

Sora kind of wanted to keep watching Riku, but he nodded.  “Right.”

Aqua took him to a different part of the large screen-covered room, where they couldn’t hear Terra cheering on Riku and Vanitas snarking about how much cooler his Unversed were than the Dream Eaters.

“So what’s up with all this ‘dropping’ stuff?”  Sora asked.  Aqua pointed to a screen – much smaller than the one Riku was currently on – that showed Sora’s sleeping form next to a filling-up gauge.  “Huh?  That’s not me!  I’m awake!”

Aqua shook her head, stifling a laugh.  “When you Dropped, you fell asleep in the Sleeping World and woke up here, where you will stay until Riku Drops.”  Sora wasn’t sure if that meant he was asleep now or not; the whole “Realm of Sleep” and “Sleeping Keyholes” and everything else about dreaming and sleeping was too confusing.  “Did Nomura not brief you on this?”

“Oh!”  Sora smacked himself on the forehead, wincing when it brought back his earlier headache.  “Riku said something about a meeting last week…”  He rubbed the back of his head in embarrassment.  “But I overslept.”

Aqua sighed, muttering something that sounded like “Just as bad as Ven…”  Sora smiled in apology.

“Well, I’ll have to explain that instead of what’s going on around here, then,” Aqua said.  “When you wake up in the Sleeping World, you’ll see a gauge beside your HP bar.  This is called the Drop Gauge, and when it runs out, you’ll appear back here, regardless of what you were doing at the time.”

“Wait, you mean I’m going to just pass out?  _Again?”_ Sora gaped.  “What if I’m talking to someone?  Or in a boss battle?”

Aqua shrugged.  “It won’t matter.  Nomura decided this was the best way to tie your story and Riku’s together, since Terra, Ven, and my stories felt separated in _Birth by Sleep._ ”

“Riku?”  Sora instantly perked up, ignoring the latter part of her sentence.  “You mean he has to do this too?”  That’s right, she’d said something about Riku Dropping earlier, but he hadn’t exactly understood then.

“Yes, you’ll return to your adventure when he Drops here.”

Sora punched the air happily.  “Yes!  He can’t tease me about sleeping during the test!”

Aqua laughed.  “No, I suppose not.”  She took a glance at the screen, where Sora’s gauge was pixels away from being full.  “He’ll Drop soon.  You should sit; I wouldn’t want you to hit your head when you fall unconscious.”

“Oh.  Thanks, Aqua,” Sora said when she pulled a chair (where had that come from?  The only furniture he’d seen earlier was the two beanbags) over for him.  “Hey, is Kairi around here anywhere?”

Aqua shook her head.  “Well, she _is_ here, but I don’t know where.  I’m afraid you’ll Drop back before you can find her.”

“Yeah…”  Sora sighed.  They’d said their goodbyes before he went to take the Mark of Mastery Exam, but he missed her already.  Someday he hoped he could go on an adventure with her _and_ Riku, but he didn’t want to put her in harm’s way.  At least he knew that she wielded a keyblade now…  Maybe they would get to go together someday.  He knew she was as tired of being left behind as he was of leaving her behind.

He was so caught up in thoughts of Kairi that he made a startled sound when an alarm started blaring, jumping up and summoning his keyblade.  “What’s that?  Heartless?  Nobodies?  Dream Eaters?”  He forgot for the moment that this place – if it was anything like the last castle – was protected from monsters of all kinds.

Aqua smiled.  “That sound means Riku’s in Bonus Time.”

“Oh.  I knew that.”  Sora sat down, not having a clue what Bonus Time even was, and Aqua laughed.

“You said Riku attended that meeting, right?”

“Yeah…”

“Good, I won’t have to brief him too.”  Aqua ruffled Sora’s hair.  He was used to it; she often treated him just like Ven.  “Good luck out there.”

Sora nodded.  “Thanks,” he replied over the sound of the alarm.  It was too bad he would forget this when he went back to the Sleeping World, but at least he wouldn’t be utterly confused when he returned to this world again.  “Tell Riku hi for me, okay?  And Kairi, if you see her.”

“I will.”  Aqua smiled.

And Sora dropped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn’t get a chance to explain this very well, but the in-game world is what the characters consider the real world. The castle (which resembles a hotel) is for all the characters who are supposed to be dead or aren’t in the game at the moment. So, for example, Kairi’s in the castle because she doesn’t do anything in 3D, but Axel-I-mean-Lea, even though he’s not on-screen most of the time, is still in the in-game world looking for Isa. Hopefully that makes sense. I guess it’s not too terribly important.
> 
> Anyway, all the drabbles after this are just going to be awkward moments caused by the Drop Gauge. They’ll probably be from Sora’s POV, but I might throw in some Riku ones if I feel like it or get ideas. The main reason for this chapter was to set up the later ones. I’m just going to update sporadically until I get bored or run out of ideas, at which point I’ll slap a “complete” label on it.


	2. Sleep Isn't Sacred Anymore

Sora grew to have a love-hate relationship with the Drop Gauge.  Mostly hate.

The annoying siren assaulted his ears when he was sleeping in Traverse Town’s inn.  He yelped, tumbling out of bed and dragging the heavy blankets with him onto the floor.  “Ow…”

He stumbled around in the dark, hurrying to throw his clothes on so he didn’t Drop into Castle Lampshade – Ven said it was named after some trope, but Sora hadn’t really understood the explanation behind it – in his underwear.  It was stupid for the Drop Gauge to keep depleting when he was _sleeping._ Was nothing sacred anymore?

Unfortunately, he wasted precious seconds detangling himself from the blankets, and the it was difficult to find anything in the dark, so he was only half-dressed by the time he Dropped.

XXX

Sora dashed through Castle Lampshade, hoping he could get from the lobby to his room before anyone caught him in only his jacket and boxers.  No such luck.

He crashed into someone – who was painfully sturdy – as he rounded a corner.

“M-Marluxia?”  He stuttered, mortified at the Final Boss he had once killed seeing him missing some important articles of clothing.  The pink-haired man stared at him in surprise for a moment, then smirked.

“And people call me feminine.”  He walked away, leaving Sora very, very embarrassed at his choice of paopu-print boxers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel pretty bad for doing this to Sora… *sweatdrop* I haven’t been on TVtropes in forever, so I can’t explain “Lampshading” well. The idea for “Castle Lampshade” was spawned with Xelac in the planning for a different fic that never grew past a plot bunny, sadly, so I decided to recycle it here.


	3. Rumble Racing

The Drop Gauge didn’t just annoy Sora when it emptied.  It could be just as annoying when it finished filling back up.

“Yes!”  Sora cheered, holding down the X button on his PSP so hard he starting to lose feeling in his thumb.  “I’m taking first place for sure!”  It was a welcome change from playing against Riku, who always beat him.

“Come on!”  Ven tried to make his avatar go faster, but the glider was already at its maximum speed.  “Why are we playing this on PSPs when we could play it for real?”

“I don’t know how to use my glider,” Sora replied.  Plus playing as Aqua was way better; her glider could shoot laser-arrows.

“Oh, yeah.  I gotta teach you sometime.”  Ven rammed Sora’s glider – technically Aqua’s in the game – from behind and laughed.

“You’re really good at this,” Sora complimented, even though he was now behind.

“Well, I’ve had practice.  I got one hundred percent completion on _Birth by Sleep,_ y’know.”  Ven smiled smugly.

“Wow!  I did that on _Kingdom Hearts II.”_ Sora wasn’t purposely trying to brag; he just wanted Ven to know he’d done something cool, too.  He wasn’t entirely sure why he’d spent so much time on KHII after going through those events in real life…

Ven grinned at him.  “Well, KHII doesn’t have Rumble Racing.”

That it didn’t, but Sora was still gaining on Ventus again.  He’d almost caught up when his Bonus Time alarm started blaring.

“Aw, not now!”  He had how much time?  Thirty seconds or so?  There were still two laps left!

“What did you say about winning for sure?”  Ven teased playfully.  It _had_ been kind of dumb of him to declare that back when he was only on his second lap…

“I’ll still win!  I’ll just have to do it faster.”  Sora rammed Ven, ramped onto a ledge, and blew past a few NPCs.  Hard as he tried, though, the gauge ran out just when the finish line came into view.

Sora passed out and dropped his PSP.  Ven laughed and rode his glider to victory as Sora Dropped back through the Fourth Wall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sora’s just not going to catch a break in this, is he. :P I don’t have anything against Sora (except that he killed Demyx; that was completely uncalled for 3:


	4. Moogles Can Be Jerks

“Come on!  Riku said something about the economy being lousy, but this is ridiculous!”  Sora yelled at the moogle.

“It’s merely the law of supply and demand, kupo,” the moogle replied.  Sora wasn’t sure what that meant.  Riku could probably explain it, but he was in the other Traverse Town.

“But seven hundred munny?  That’s crazy!”

“That’s the price, kupo.  Why don’t you destroy a few Dream Eaters and come back when you have enough, kupo?”  

“I don’t have time!  Look, I just need some more Drop-Me-Nots for this one boss-”  Sora flinched at the sound of Bonus Time activating.  “I _really_ don’t have time for this.  How about… uh….”  He dug around in his inventory.  “I’ve got a hi-potion… oh wait, that bottle’s empty…”  The blaring alarm did nothing to help him rummage faster.  It wouldn’t be a problem to sell off a few extra commands, except that he’d already done so yesterday.  Drop-Me-Nots – and the unfair inflation of the moogle shops’ prices – had sucked almost all of his munny.

The moogle must’ve had some sympathy, because it offered, “I’ll bargain with you, kupo.  How about a Drop-Me-Not for half price, plus that empty potion bottle?”

Sora frowned, confused.  “What do you need the bottle for?”

“What do you think I do with my potions once I synthesize them, kupo?”  If the moogle’s eyes ever opened, Sora was sure it would roll them.

“That makes sense.”  Sora handed over the bottle and reached his hand deep into one of his many pockets to look for his munny.  Unfortunately for him, as soon as he handed the correct amount over to the moogle, his Drop Gauge ran out.

“Sayonara, kupo.”

“Oh, come on!”  Sora yelled right before he dropped.

The moogle swapped shop shifts with the next moogle, who would have to deal with a very upset Sora when he Dropped back.


	5. Ice Cream on the Battlefield

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As requested by protoave14, a boss reacting to Sora dropping in the middle of the battle!

Was Xemnas this difficult to beat the first time?  Sora couldn’t remember.  He _did_ remember that he hated being hit with skyscrapers.  That hadn’t changed.

His low-HP siren was blaring so loud that he almost didn’t hear the Bonus Time alarm.  Once he did, he grinned, only to be hit in the face by a volley of lasers.  He blocked most of them, leaving him only hanging on by a few green pixels.  _Only have to hold on for a few more seconds…_

Sora spammed dodge-roll, casting Curaga when his command gauge for it was filled again–

“There!”

– Only to have all the HP that had been recovered knocked out of him with Xemnas’s kick.  Sora knew he should’ve spent even more time maxing out his Dream Eaters’ Ability Link boards; Cure Boost or Magic Haste would’ve been really useful right now.

But he would be okay.  He only had to last ten more seconds, and then he’d Drop back to Castle Lampshade and go get sea-salt ice cream with Roxas and Xion (who were feeling lonely without Axel-I-mean-Lea around) like he promised.  He kept dodge-rolling until his Bonus Time finally ran out.

It was the first time Sora had been happy to Drop.

XXX

Naturally, Xemnas was a little shocked when Sora disappeared in the middle of the boss battle.  It wasn’t like the young keyblade wielder to run away in the middle of a fight, and there wasn’t anywhere he could’ve run away to, anyway.  It wasn’t like he controlled Void and could make himself suddenly disappear.

After puzzling over this situation for a few moments, Xemnas called for Young Xehanort (who hated being called “young”, and thus took the new name of Impetus, at least for the time being, since it made him sound cool) and informed him.

“Sora must have Dropped,” Impetus deduced.  “Surely you knew?”

“Is this a normal occurrence?  I was not informed of this,” Xemnas replied in a somewhat put-off manner.  He hated being talked down to by a younger version of himself.

Impetus smirked.  “Master Xehanort thought it unimportant to debrief _every_ vessel.”

Xemnas scowled.  He was used to leading an Organization.  Since that particular plot had ended in mostly-failure (surely recruiting Xigbar and Saïx were important achievements, though), he was far down in the ranks of the new Organization XIII.  Ansem Seeker of Darkness was lower than him, but that did nothing for Xemnas’s self-esteem when Xigbar, his previous insubordinate and not even an original form of Xehanort, was now above him.  It was positively embarrassing.

“Will Sora return?”  Xemnas asked.

“Yes.  Meanwhile, Riku is progressing through the castle.  I must return to Master Xehanort to prepare for his arrival.”

“What am I supposed to do in the mean time?”  Surely he wasn’t expected to sit in an empty battlefield and do nothing?

Impetus shrugged.  “Take a nap, write a love letter to your destroyed fake Kingdom Hearts, it isn’t my concern.”

Xemnas would’ve sliced through his younger incarnation if he hadn’t disappeared through a corridor at that instant.  How dare he insult his beautiful Kingdom Hearts!  She was a lovely collection of burning rage and envy, carefully pieced together one heart at a time…  Impetus hadn’t known her.  Of course he wouldn’t appreciate her the way the former Organization leader did.

But Xemnas didn’t have his beloved Kingdom Hearts to moon over, so he had to come up with something else to do.  After deciding against acting out Star Wars scenes and creating a new pie recipe, he eventually called for Saïx and Xigbar.

“Yes, Superior?”  Saïx greeted, still used to his days in the previous Organization XIII.  As much as he could recall them – Xehanort’s heart-transplant-slash-brainwashing had left him rather emptier than he had been before, of both feelings and memories.

“Yo, Xem.”  Xigbar threw out a smirk and a mocking salute.  “Whaddaya want now?”

“I am bored,” Xemnas announced.  Saïx stared at him blankly, and Xigbar snorted.

“We don’t have to cater to your every whim, ex-Bossman.  Whaddaya want us to do, sing show tunes?”

Saïx remained silent, trying to remember if he could sing.  He thought he used to be talented at it, once.

“I hoped you might provide an alternative to sitting and waiting for Sora to Drop,” Xemnas said.

“Hmm.  Well, I’ll admit I’m kinda bored, too.”  Xigbar sat cross-legged on the ground.  “You got any ideas, Moony?”

“No,” Saïx almost-whispered.  Xigbar snorted.

“You were pretty boring back in the old-Org, but now you’re a total zombie.  Just like Kiddo used to be,” Xigbar reminisced.  “I almost miss our old comrades.  At least they were interesting.  Feels like I’m the only one who can be Xehanortified and not turn into a stick-in-the-mud – no offense, Xemmy.”

“None taken,” Xemnas muttered.  “I also am not entirely satisfied with these new arrangements.”

“No choice,” Saïx said in a monotone, lowering his head so his hair fell in his face.  “No choice at all.”

“The old coot can do whatever he wants with us now that we’re him.”  Xigbar sighed.  “Frankly I’m surprised we can talk like this about him.”

Xemnas and Saïx nodded.  “And that Impetus–”

Xigbar snorted.  “More like plain old “Imp”.  Arrogant punk.”

“Yes.  He’s even worse than Master Xehanort,” Xemnas replied.

“Acting all high-and-mighty just ‘cause he got to time-travel and set this whole scheme in motion.  He’s worse than Flower Power was.”

Saïx remained silent, tracing cracks in the ground with one finger.  What was the use in complaining?  It was pointless.  Useless.  Master Xehanort had broken his will, all thanks to his ignorant plan to gain power in the former Organization, a plan taken too far.  He should’ve listened to Axel – was he Lea now? Saïx hoped so – when he had the chance.  Axel would know what to do now.

“Yo, Moony!  Did someone drown _your_ goldfish?”  Xigbar asked, seeing the forlorn expression on Saïx’s face.

He shook his head slowly.

“Saïx, are you in despair over the loss of Kingdom Hearts as well?”  Xemnas asked, since he himself was still mourning for the loss of his beloved, though in less public situations.

Saïx shook his head again.  “I suppose I am in despair over the loss of… myself.”

“Wow.  Way to lay on the angst-sauce, Moony.”  Xigbar smirked, opened a corridor, and stuck his hand through it, pulling out three bars of blue ice cream.

“What…?”

“Heh, bring back any memories?  I know Flamsilocks would always share these with his midgets.  What about you?”

Saïx stared at the ice cream, practically eating it with his eyes.  “…Long ago.”

“ _A long, long, time ago, in a galaxy far away_ –”

Xigbar and Saïx stared at Xemnas, Saïx blank as ever and Xigbar trying not to laugh at their former boss’ singing of “The Saga Begins”.

“I apologize,” Xemnas muttered.

Xigbar laughed.  “Well, Moony, have some nostalgia, my treat.  And one for you too, ex-Bossman, to help you get through the loss of your beloved.”

“Your sympathy is appreciated,” Xemnas said, accepting the blue dairy treat without picking up on Xigbar’s sarcasm.  Saïx took his as well, holding the stick reverently.

His first bite brought a nostalgic smile to his face.  Xigbar clapped him and Xemnas on their backs, almost dripping his own ice cream on Saïx’s coat.

“We can still make this new Organization work, right?”

At that exact moment Sora dropped back into the battlefield.  Xemnas stared at him in alarm.

“Uh…” the silverette was uncharacteristically lost for words.

“Want some ice cream?”  Xigbar asked with a crooked grin.  Sora, who also had Roxas and Xion inside of him, couldn’t say no to ice cream.

And so three villains and a hero ate sea-salt ice cream before Saïx and Xigbar left and Sora and Xemnas resumed their boss battle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That… did so not turn out like I expected. XD XD XD I have to admit I had fun with the odd Xemnas/Saïx/Xigbar friendship, even though I don’t like Xemnas/Saïx friendship at all in canon. Xemnas/KH shows up in pretty much every fic I write Xemnas in. xP Crackfiction FTW.


	6. Vanitas's Revenge

Sora was wandering around Castle Lampshade in search of Kairi when two things happened:  his Bonus Time alarm blared from the nonexistent speakers, and Ven pounced on him.  The brunette tumbled to the clean-carpeted floor and summoned his keyblade in surprise.

“Ven?”  He banished the Kingdom Key.  “Doesn’t Aqua get mad when you run in the halls?”

“Well… yeah.”  He rubbed his head sheepishly, springing off of Sora.  “But Vani’s after me because I killed some of his Prize Pods to make ice cream!”

“Can I help?”  Sora asked.  He could hear Ven’s dark half storming down the hallway behind them.

“But you’re about to Drop…”  Ven’s face lit up with an idea.  “You can stall Vani until you Drop!  Then you’ll disappear, and he won’t be able to hurt you, and I’ll have time to run away!”

“That’s a great idea!”  Sora agreed.  “But wait, he can’t hurt you anyway, can he?  There’s the truce.”

“We’re not allowed to _kill_ each other.  Or give anyone scars,” Ven added.  “But we can still have Boss Battles like at the last castle.”

“Oh.”  Sora didn’t particularly want any more Boss Battles; he’d have to go back to one when he Dropped in a few minutes.  “Hurry up and run, Vani’s coming!”

“Thanks, Sora!”  Ven called, sprinting off down the hall and barely rounding the corner before Vanitas charged through, roaring threats at his light half.

“Hey, Vani!”  Sora had to yell to be heard over Vanitas’s threats.  The annoyingly cheerful greeting stopped him for a moment.

“I _told_ you never to call me that!”  He spat, summoning Void Gear.

_That’s a scary keyblade,_ Sora thought.  “What’re you doing?”  Sora asked, ignoring Vanitas’s anger.

“I’m going to chop off all of _Ventus’s_ precious hair.   And I don’t have anything against chopping off yours if you don’t get your idiot self out of my way.”  He took up his battle stance, and Sora stepped back.

_I’m going to drop in ten seconds…  He’s not gonna be able to give me a haircut like he did to Riku…_ Sora shuddered at the thought of how awfully Vanitas had cut Riku’s hair after he accidentally used the black-haired teen’s special hair gel.  It still hadn’t completely grown back before _Dream Drop Distance_ started, and now the silverette had to deal with hordes of angry fangirls bemoaning the loss of his silky locks.

Suddenly there was silence.  No blaring alarms.  Just Vanitas’s angry gold glare and growing smirk.

“Looks like I’ve got more time to punish you than I thought.”  The smirk morphed into an all-out evil grin, and Vanitas charged.

“Riku, did you have to use a Drop-Me-Not _now!?”_ Sora yelled as he fled down the hallway from a rampaging Vanitas.

XXX

When Sora finally dropped back into his Boss Battle with Wargoyle, his clothes were extremely disheveled with many rips and gashes in them, but he’d kept his spikes of hair completely intact.


	7. Cutscene Marathon

“Huh?”  Riku looked at the Drop Gauge floating off to the bottom-right of his vision, surprised to see that it had suddenly filled back up.  It had been over half-empty moments ago; how did that happen?

He looked around as if the culprit would show himself.  He was in the Golden Wood in the Symphony of Sorcery, and the only living creatures he could see were his two Dream Eaters, Derpy the Pegaslick (Sora created that one) and Twilight the Electricorn (also Sora’s doing).  Derpy accidentally did… well, derpy things sometimes, but Riku doubted she could accidentally fill his Drop Gauge.

Riku shrugged and went into the Snowgleam Wood to look for treasure chests.  It wasn’t like he could do anything until Sora finished the Symphony of Sorcery too, after all.

~Sometime Previously~

“Sora! Sora!  Look what I found!”

Demyx came running into the Fourth-Wall Window, as everyone called the room where they could watch the in-game events take place, and was about to plop down on one of the beanbags next to Sora before Vanitas growled at him.  Demyx squeaked and ran to Sora’s other side.

“Demyx?”  Sora asked.  “What is it?”

The Nocturne dropped his armful of purple bottles into Sora’s lap.  “I found these in the basement!  You said you keep spending too much munny on them, right?”

“Huh?”  Sora held up one of the bottles, which contained a Drop-Me-Not.  “You found these here?”

“In the _basement?”_ Roxas asked from the third occupied beanbag (the residents of Castle Lampshade had decided they needed more beanbags in the Fourth-Wall Window, since so many characters hung out there).  “I didn’t know we had a basement.  Is it anything like the one at the Castle That Never Was?”

Demyx nodded, shuddering.  “I only went down there ‘cause I was playing hide-and-seek with Xion and Ven, and I was about to run back out when I found these.”  He pointed to the Drop-Me-Nots.

“What else is down there?”  Vanitas asked.

“Oh, some board games, a Twister mat, spare coats, tons of free keyblades-”

“They really are giving them out to everyone now,” Roxas commented.

“-Larxene’s blackmail, some of Vexen’s failed experiments, Void-stuffed pillows… Yeah,” Demyx said.  Sora, Roxas, and Vanitas got the point.

“So, about those Drop-Me-Nots,” Sora said, “do you think they’ll work here?”

Demyx shrugged.  “How should I know?”

Sora shrugged back, then uncorked one, figuring the only way to find out was to try.  He didn’t particularly want to go back to his battle with Spellican, anyway – that awful Dream Eater-creating Dream Eater had killed him nearly ten times already.  “Here goes nothing.”

Sora gulped it down, then let his gaze unfocus so he could see the Drop Gauge in the bottom-right corner of his vision.  It had completely emptied, while Riku’s on the screen had completely filled.

“Cool!”  Sora yelled, fist-pumping the air.  “Hey, since I have plenty of time now, who wants to marathon all the cutscenes from _Birth by Sleep_ to _Kingdom Hearts II_?”

Vanitas and Roxas shrugged, and Demyx whooped.  They found Aqua to help them set up the screens for the several-movie-length feature, and by that time several other characters, including Xion, Ven, Terra, Naminé, Hayner, Pence, Olette, and Kairi (who Sora had finally found a few days previously), had gathered and brought pillows (not the Void-stuffed ones) to sit on.  Xion popped the popcorn with some Fire magic, and Roxas dimmed the lights.

Everyone quieted when the PlanitB remix of “Simple and Clean” began to play at the opening of _Birth by Sleep._

~Several Hours Later~

Riku’s Drop Gauge still wouldn’t empty, and the Drop button on the menu failed every time he tried to select it.  After several hours, he gave up trying to fix it and took a nap, hoping that eventually Sora would complete The Symphony of Sorcery so they could finish their Mark of Mastery Exam.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drop-Me-Nots are purple because I felt like it. The Basement references are from some of my other fics. As for the Dream Eater’s names… If you get the references, you win internet ice cream. XD


	8. Soup Juice

Sora had _finally_ managed to find Kairi in Castle Lampshade. He knew it was a big castle, but seriously, the fact that it taken him over a week was ridiculous. Now that he finally had some downtime while Riku was fighting his way through The Country of the Musketeers, Sora mustered his courage and approached Kairi while she was playing Go Fish (technically Go Nobody) with Demyx, Luxord, Hayner, and Naminé.

“Hey Kairi, can I, uh, talk to you?” He put his hands behind his head, trying not to look nervous.

“Sure,” she replied curiously. Demyx snickered as she set down her hand face-down. Naminé tried not to laugh as Hayner used Demyx’s distraction to sneak a look at his hand.

“This will mix up the odds…” Luxord muttered, though he sounded amused.

“Demyx, got any Snipers?” Hayner grinned.

“Aw, man!”

Sora ignored them and led Kairi out of the game room to the hallway. “Uh, do you want to eat dinner tonight…? You know, uh, with me?”

Kairi grinned and flicked one of his spikes of hair. “Of course, you doof. Just be sure you’re here.”

“Huh?”

“Well, we can’t eat together if you’re on the other side of the Fourth Wall.”

“Oh. Yeah.” He’d have to time his Drops better today. “Don't worry about it, I'll be here.”

“So...” Kairi clasped her hands behind her back. “Does this count as a date?”

Sora blushed. “Do you want it to?”

“Um… maybe…”  Kairi said shyly.

Giving her a quick, light hug, Sora replied, “Then it’s a date.”

XXX

Naturally, he was late.  He half-expected the White Rabbit to run up and beat him up with his giant watch for being “late for a very important date.”  Fortunately, or maybe unfortunately, the only beating Sora suffered was the mental beating he gave himself.

“Sorry, Kairi- all these Dream Eaters kept ambushing me, and those Aura Lions are hard-” He gasped for breath, having run up five flights of stairs to reach the dining hall.   _Wish I’d remembered to use Flowmotion, I could’ve gotten here in no time._

“At least you’re here now.”  Kairi smiled, standing at the end of the long rectangular table.

“Sorry…”  Sora couldn’t help saying again.

“Really, it’s fine.”  She was probably just trying to be polite, but he appreciated it.

He remembered to be gentlemanly and pull out her chair, at least, though he almost fell over when he sat down himself.  Most of the other residents of Castle Lampshade had already eaten dinner, but there were a few people still lingering in the dining hall.  Larxene was arguing with Xaldin – or was it Dilan now?  Sora wasn’t sure – that her steak was too rare, which was kind of ruining the more peaceful mood Sora would’ve liked.  Demyx’s smacking from farther down the table wasn’t helping much, either.

 Sora was known to talk anyone’s ears off, but now that he was alone with Kairi…  If they hadn’t specifically called it a date he probably would’ve been fine, but now he felt clueless.  They were best friends; he shouldn’t be this lost for words.  But what was he supposed to talk about on a date?  Was it different from what they’d talk about if they were just eating as friends?

_Maybe this was a dumb idea,_ Sora thought, sitting across the table from her.  _I could’ve got Roxas and Xion or anyone to come with us too, why didn’t I think of that?_ Kairi was being too quiet.  It was awkward, but then again, she probably felt the same way from his silence.

“So… uh… you look pretty,” he said the first thing he could think of.  She wore her standard pink dress from _Kingdom Hearts II_ , since her old _Kingdom Hearts_ clothes didn’t fit anymore and she didn’t like wearing her school uniform around the castle, and there weren’t really any other options to choose from.  At least Sora had his KHII and _Dream Drop Distance_ outfits to choose between now.  They were still all better off than Naminé, at least, who only had her short white dress.

“Thanks.”  Kairi smiled.  “You look…”  She couldn’t help laughing.  “Well, you look good for having just fought off some Aura Lions.”

Sora grinned lopsidedly, ruffling his already-ruffled-hair.  “Good thing you look nice enough for both of us.”  He wasn’t saying it just to make conversation this time; she really did look great, even in the same clothes she always wore.  Her hair was brushed perfectly smooth and conditioned to where it looked almost as silky and shiny as Riku’s did before his haircut.

After they’d broken the ice, they had no trouble finding things to talk about.  Kairi wanted to know all about his adventures on the other side of the Fourth Wall, and Sora could ramble on endlessly.

“…Notre Dame’s _really_ huge, like, almost as big as this castle, and when I jumped off it took me like a whole ten seconds to reach the ground…”

“...Donald and Goofy didn’t remember me, but we’re still friends…”

“…and then I blew up the evil giraffe-Dream Eaters with balloons…”

If Sora was boring Kairi with all of his adventure stories, she didn’t show it.  Or he was just that oblivious, which wouldn’t be surprising.  By the time he’d pretty much summed up his whole adventure so far, Zexion-no-wait-Ienzo finally came to “take their orders.”

“The dining hall’s supposed to be closed by now. What do you want?”  He asked, sounding at least a little irritated.  Wasn’t he supposed to be nice now that he was a Somebody? 

“Uh…”  Sora realized he’d been talking so much he forgot to decide what to eat.

“How about the shrimp soup?”  Kairi suggested.  “Like we used to have on the Islands.”

“Yeah, that sounds good.” Sora smiled.

Ienzo muttered something like “That’s not even on the menu,” but he wrote it down in his Lexicon anyway.

“I’m sorry I was so late,” Sora said again.  Kairi tried not to sigh.

“Really, Sora, it’s fine.”

“But Ienzo-”

“Won’t die from making us a few bowls of soup.  I’ll make it up to him if I have to; I’m on cooking duty tomorrow.  Besides, it’s nice that there isn’t anyone else here now.”

Demyx and Larxene had left, and the candles on the table were now magically lit and casting a soft, romantic light.  Sora squirmed in his chair, feeling nervous and uncomfortable again, but this time Kairi saved him by talking about the things she’d been doing at the castle while Sora was out adventuring.

“…The pool’s really nice here.  It’s not as big as the ocean, of course, but I don’t get salt in my eyes…”

“…Xion’s been keyblade-sparring with me, but I’m still not very good…”

“…and Terra and Vanitas have a scoreboard in the game room, but I don’t know what it’s for.  Terra’s winning…”

Sora enjoyed just listening to her, occasionally asking questions or commenting on weird stuff, like when Kairi told him about the time Roxas almost blew up the kitchen when he found out they were out of sea-salt ice cream.

“I like ice cream too, but isn’t that a little overkill?”  Sora would know; he’d practically invented overkill.

“Well, it’s this tradition he and Xion have…”  Sora wondered why he hadn’t heard of this tradition before.  Maybe that was why Riku gave him that ice cream bar back in _Kingdom Hearts II…_

Ienzo came back and dropped off their shrimp soup with a grumbled “enjoy.”  Sora had to remind himself to use his manners and not slurp it like a Hun or Hyena or other uncivilized group-and-or-creature he’d seen in his adventures.  He still managed to spill some, though, which made Kairi giggle and his ears turn red.

“There’s too much soup-juice,” Sora muttered, wiping up the small puddle with his napkin.  Kairi started giggling more.  “What?”

“S-Soup juice!”  She started laughing uncontrollably.

“What?  There’s too much of it!”  Sora couldn’t understand what was so funny.  She couldn’t be making fun of him; she wouldn’t do that.  But what had he done?

“It’s called broth,” she said once she managed to control her laughter.  “Just the way you said that, all serious…”  She couldn’t help giggling again.

“Oh.”  Sora’s face heated up.  “Well, there’s too much broth then.”

“I kind of like soup-juice better,” Kairi mused with a grin, sipping some of the liquid from her spoon, looking just like the Princess she was.  Sora spooned some into his mouth, too, trying to avoid embarrassing himself even more. 

This wasn’t going like he imagined.  It wasn’t bad, just being with her at all was good enough for him, but he wished he could just… _Be more like Riku,_ he thought.  _Riku would be all cool and not-messy and not have any problem with stuff like this._

That wasn’t completely true, but Sora didn’t know that.

“So… uh… Do you like this?”  Sora asked, watching her hair glow in the candlelight.

“Of course I do,” Kairi answered.  “Don’t you know… nevermind.”  It looked like she was blushing, but it might’ve just been the reddish glow of the fire.

“Don’t I know what?”  He didn’t have a clue what she was talking about.  Had he been oblivious to something important?

“I… said nevermind.”  She lost her nerve again.

“C’mon, Kairi, why won’t you tell me?”  Sora unconsciously used his power of Puppy Eyes on her, and she fidgeted with her spoon.

“I always like being with you,” she said quietly. 

“Even when I make a mess with my soup-juice?”  Sora asked.

Kairi stifled a giggle.  “Yes, Sora.”  She rested her arm on the table, close enough to where Sora could… If he had enough courage…

_C’mon,_ he thought to himself, _I saved the worlds twice.  I’ll be a Keyblade Master soon.  I’ve gotta be strong enough to tell Kairi how I feel._   He reached over and took her hand.

“I like being with you too,” he said.  She turned as pink as her dress but didn’t reply.  _What do I do now?_ She was just staring at him… her eyes were really pretty, glowing a soft violet… but she wasn’t looking at his eyes.  She was looking more towards… his lips?

Did she want him to kiss her?  The moment seemed as good as it was going to get.  Face probably as pink as hers, Sora leaned across the table…

And knocked over his forgotten bowl of soup, spilling it all over himself.

Kairi’s eyes widened.  “Sora, are you okay?”

Embarrassment colored him bright red.  “Yeah,” he lied.  “Stupid soup-juice.”

She smiled sympathetically walked around to his side of the table to soak up some of the liquid on his chest with her napkin.  Then she took a step back and looked away.  “Um…”

“Thanks.”  Sora smiled, not realizing that she looked nervous because of their closeness.  “Sorry for being such a klutz.  I forgot that bowl was there.”

“Were you going to…?”  Kairi tried to ask.

“Um…”  She wouldn’t want to kiss him now.  He was covered in soup-juice, and the embarrassment had made him lose his nerve.  But if he didn’t now, when would he get the chance?  “If… you wanted to…”

“But did you want to…?”

“Uh…”  _Just say yes,_ he told himself.  “…Kinda.”

“Then… I kind of did too…”

Ventus, who had been “accidentally” eavesdropping on his way to get a snack, stuck his head in the door.  “Just kiss her already!”  Which made Sora and Kairi both turn a fiery shade of red.  But he knew Ven would tease him forever if he backed down now.

So he held Kairi’s hand and leaned close to her face… 

And was swept over with a wave of dizziness, finding himself back in a battle with a group of Aura Lions.

XXX

Riku wasn’t prepared to be pounced on by a furious Kairi only moments after he Dropped.

“RIKU!”  She shrieked, knocking him to the lobby floor and holding her fist up like she was going to punch him.  Riku had never seen her this angry before, ever.  Had she swapped consciousness with Vanitas or something?

He was too startled to say anything other than “What?”

She punched him.  It was only on the shoulder, and it didn’t hurt at all, but _what was going on?_

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?”  She demanded.

“I finished the Country of the Musketeers, so I Dropped.  Why?”

Kairi took a deep breath, raising her fist again, but she lowered it by using all of her self-control.  “You had to Drop _now?”_

“Yeah.  Sora needs to get off his lazy bum and finish the world so we can keep going-”

“We were _on a date,_ Riku!”  She shrieked and nearly punched him again.  Maybe that “lazy bum” comment wasn’t a good idea at that particular moment.

“…Oh.”


	9. Together for Christmas

Sora didn’t know who rigged the Drop Gauge, or how.  And frankly, when he saw Riku confused and dazed in the lobby of Castle Lampshade, he was too happy to care.

“RIKU!”  He yelled, glomping his best friend back to the floor that he had just managed to stand up from.

“Wha-?”

“RIKU RIKU YOU’RE ALIVE I CAN SEE YOU AGAIN THIS IS GREAT I DIDN’T THINK I’D GET TO SEE YOU THIS YEAR BUT HERE YOU ARE YOU’RE-”  As he gasped in a huge breath, Kairi came down the stairs, eyes shining, her grin almost as huge as Sora’s.

“Riku!”  She didn’t think twice about joining their floor-hug, but then she pulled back skeptically.  “Wait, it’s really you, right?  Not Repliku playing dress-up?”

Riku just made some choking sounds, since Sora was still restricting his lung capacity.

“Sora, let go.”  Kairi smacked him playfully.

“Hehe, sorry, Riku.”  Sora grinned and let him go, and the silver-haired teen sucked in an even larger breath than his friend had earlier.

“Yes, it’s me.”  He coughed and stood up, brushing off his clothes.

“Aren’t you happy to see us?”  Sora asked pitifully, looking like a kicked puppy.  Riku grinned and punched him lightly on the shoulder.

“Of course I am.  But can you do me a favor and not try to kill me next time you see me?”

“Riku,” Kairi said in a ‘you-two-are-such-doofs’ way.

“Hey, Kairi.”  Riku smiled and gave her a proper hug, not like the dogpile-glomp-fail earlier.  It hadn’t been too long since they’d last seen each other, but considering that last time she’d… well, she’d punched him.  Not that it hurt; but it was kind of awkward between them for a little while since he’d kind of accidentally ruined her first almost-kiss.  And they both doubted Sora would get up the nerve to try again.

But Kairi was a forgiving person, and they were all somehow together, and it was Christmas Eve.  So he gave her a hug and filed a mental note to apologize better later.

“This is awesome!”  Sora said, bouncing up and down, as hyper as if he’d eaten all the Christmas cookies in the castle (which he couldn’t, because Demyx and Ven beat him to it, and Vanitas hoarded several trays away for himself).  “We all get to have Christmas together!  I didn’t think we’d get to this year!”

“But how did you get here, Riku?  Without Sora having to leave?”  Kairi asked.  The silverette shrugged.

“Beats me.  Someone might’ve messed with the programming.”

“Could’ve been Data-Sora or Data-Riku,” Kairi mused, then smiled.  “It doesn’t matter.  I’m just glad we get to spend Christmas together, all three of us.”

“C’mon, guys!”  Sora grabbed their hands and pulled them towards the stairs.  “We’ve gotta celebrate!”

“Sora, we don’t have to rush…”  Riku said in vain, still being dragged up the stairs.  He rolled his eyes in exasperated affection, a look that Kairi shared.  “Why couldn’t you be this enthusiastic when we were working on the raft?”

“It’s Christmas!”  Sora replied.  There wasn’t any better explanation than that.

XXX

Nobody had any clue why Aqua put Vanitas in charge of Christmas decorating.  Maybe it was because he needed some extra holiday spirit, or maybe it was just because he could summon and destroy his Unversed for an unlimited supply of shiny, decorative objects.  Whatever the reason, he was supposedly in charge, so he was the one Sora, Riku, and Kairi complained to.

“You mean there’s _no Christmas tree?”_ Sora’s jaw hung gaping open.

“Tree?”  Vanitas looked genuinely confused.  “Why in the name of darkness would we have a tree inside?”

“Because it’s _Christmas,”_ Sora said, dragging the word out like molasses.

“So?”  Vanitas stared.

“So we have a Christmas tree.”

“ _Birth by Sleep_ was released January ninth of 2010,” Riku said.  “Didn’t you have Christmas with us last year?”

“Look, idiots, I wasn’t created knowing this stuff, and I was banished last year from Thanksgiving until January.”

“Oh, I remember that now…” Kairi frowned.  “You made Floods pop out of the turkey, and then you ran off with most of the food while we were distracted.”

Vanitas chuckled.  “Good times, good times.”

“So you don’t know what Christmas is,” Riku surmised.

“Whatever it is, it sounds stupid.  Only idiots would bring a tree inside.”

Kairi ignored his insult.  “But Aqua put you in charge of Christmas decorations.”

“She did?”  Vanitas blinked in honest confusion.  “Must’ve been distracted…”

Riku snorted.

“So it’s Christmas Eve, and we don’t have _any_ decorations?”  Sora said desperately.

“Nope.”  The black-haired teen yawned.  “I’m going to bed.”

Without another word, he left through a dark corridor.  Riku sighed.  “Some help _he_ is…”  He thought Aqua would’ve known better than to give him a task like that.

“It’ll be okay!”  Sora grinned optimistically.  “We can still put up decorations for Christmas!”

Kairi’s brow furrowed.  “We don’t have a lot of time…” seeing Sora’s falling expression, she added, “but I’m sure we can still throw something together.”

“We’ll need everyone’s help,” Riku said.  “Get on the intercom and make an announcement.  I’ll look in the Basement for...”

“Whatever we have in the Basement,” Kairi finished, and he nodded.

Sora pumped a fist in the air.  “Let’s do this!”

XXX

Riku should’ve thought a little harder before volunteering to search the Basement, for several reasons.

First of all, it was The Basement That Doesn’t Want to Be, or at least Castle Lampshade’s version of it, which was just as terrifying as the previous Basement in Castle Nemo.

Second, the labyrinthine shelves were nearly endless, sprawling beneath the whole Castle, and would require more than one person to search adequately.

Third, and most importantly, Riku was… kind of… almost… scared of the dark.

“Scared” wasn’t really the right word.  He had a strong dislike of it, after having Ansem-I-Mean-Xemnas-I-Mean-Xehanort-I-Mean-Nobody-Actually-Cares-Anymore leeching darkness into his heart, and then being stuck in the Realm of Darkness for a while, and then having to wear a blindfold for almost a year.  Basically, darkness evoked strong and unpleasant feelings in him.  And the Basement was practically a breeding ground for darkness.  If there weren’t such strong enchantments on the Castle, Riku suspected it would be teeming with Heartless.

But in the moment he had ignorantly volunteered, and he wasn’t about to turn back like a sissy.  He cast Firaga at an old pillow, stabbed it onto a large stick, and used it as a torch.

“See, not so bad now.  At least I can see.”  He actually needed his sight down here, where he couldn’t navigate with his nose or ears.  Everything smelled damp, rotten, and generally like the color brown, and the cramped shelving packed with junk muffled most sound.

He wasn’t even sure what he was looking for, but he wandered through the aisles.  Unversed popped up now and then, the only monsters that were allowed inside Castle Lampshade (because Vanitas insisted on it, and everyone would rather have Vanitas and his endless supply of minions on their side than on Xehanort’s).  They weren’t difficult to destroy, but they were annoying, and Riku hated how he panicked and almost shrieked whenever one caught him off guard.  Especially when that one was a Hareraiser, which was essentially just a bunny.  A rather demonic-looking bunny, but still.  A bunny.

“Twister mats… Organization coats… spare keyblades?”  Well, they had to come from somewhere, he supposed.  “Void… extra Void… supersaturated Void…”  Didn’t Xemnas keep all of that at his own castle?  “Sea-salt ice cream… squash juice?”  Riku picked up a can off of the shelf.  “Zero percent alcohol, one percent juice?” he read aloud.  “What’s the rest made of?”

“Void,” another voice replied with a hysterical cackle.  Riku jumped and flung the can at the voice.  “Ow!  Ow, that was my face…  I like my face…”

“Who are you?”  Riku couldn’t see him; he was too far from the pillow-torch’s glow.

“Who am I?”  Another insane laugh.  “Aww, you don’t remember me?  Well, I guess we never _really_ met…”

Wait… the voice was awfully familiar…  “Repliku?”  Or was it Data-Riku?  Man, now he knew how Sora felt, all those different versions of himself running around…

“Nope!”  The voice’s owner skipped into the firelight.  He looked exactly like Repliku, except his suit was a vibrant shade of magenta splashed with chartreuse.  Riku was glad the light was dim; if it was any brighter the clashing colors might’ve made his eyes bleed.  “My name’s R-2!  Second Riku replica, blah blah blah, guardian of the Basement That Doesn’t Want to Be.”  He bowed extravagantly. 

“Uh…”  Riku blinked.  “There’s another one?”

R-2 pouted.  “ _Another one?_ That’s really rude.  _Vexen_ couldn’t make the first replica perfect, nope.  He made R-1 and me and R-3 was his poster child.  His ‘first success’ he said.”  He crossed his arms.  “I’m _perfectly_ successful.  I’m smart and stuff and I catalogued everything in this whole basement!”

Riku was still rather confused, but considering the waning amount of time he had left to find Christmas decorations, he asked, “so can you help me find something?”

“Of course I can!”  R-2 grinned.  “I’d be happy to help you!  Even if you’re the real Riku.  I mean, you must be a nice person, probably, I mean you didn’t mean for _Vexen_ to clone you or anything-”

Riku cleared his throat.  “Yeah.  Right.  Do you know where the Christmas decorations are?”

“CHRISTMAS!”  R-2 bounced up and down with a hyperness level equivatlent to Sora’s.  “I _love_ Christmas!  Even though I never actually really celebrated it.  Yet.  But Xen-Xen told me some stuff and it sounds fun!  Follow me!”

R-2 dashed down the aisle, skipping and/or cartwheeling every few steps, so quickly that Riku had to sprint to keep him within the glow of his torch.  He got so turned around and lost that he wasn’t sure he’d be able to find his way back to the entrance, so hopefully R-2 would be able to lead him back, too.

“Here we are!”  R-2 leapt up to one of the higher shelves and tossed down a large plastic tub that Riku barely managed to catch.  “Christmas!  Lots of Christmas stuff!  It says it right here on the label.”

“Uh, thanks.  Can you help me get out now?”

“Sure!”

Just as quickly, they sprinted back to the steps leading back into the light.  Riku hardly had time to blink before they were there.

“Thanks,” he said curtly, hoping the replica wasn’t following him up the steps.  He was.

“What’s your castle like?  Is it like the Castle That Never Was?  The Basement’s the same.  Can I come up and look?  Do you have any Christmas food?”

Riku glanced back and forth, as if expecting someone else to take care of him.  Surprisingly, a portal opened, and a girl in an Organization coat with short brown hair stepped out.

“R-2!”  She called, running over to hug him.  “What are you doing here?  I’ve been worried sick!”

“Nobodies can’t worry,” he recited like he’d said it several times before but didn’t quite believe it.

“You’ve been listening to Axel too much again,” she fussed, smoothing his ruffled hair.

“Who are you?”  Riku asked.  As far as he knew, the Organization didn’t have a member who fit this description.

“I’m-”  She turned on him.  “Wait, who are-?  Oh.”  She took a step back, pulling R-2 with her.  “You must be- but I thought- the imposter-?”

“I found another universe,” R-2 told her excitedly.

“I thought you said you were the Guardian of the Basement That Doesn’t Want to Be.”  Riku narrowed his eyes skeptically.

“I am.  In my universe.  When Xen-Xen and Dem-Dem have to leave me all alone and I’m bored.”

The girl stared at him and sighed.  “I’m not even going to ask this time...  Let’s go home to _our_ universe and forget about all this insane stuff…  Hope he didn’t mess anything up for you,” she said to Riku, who shrugged.

“Nah.  He helped me out, actually.”

She smiled and opened another corridor.  “That was nice of you, R-2.”

“Are you proud of me, Xen-Xen?”

“Yes.”  She laughed.  “Yes I am.”

Then they left, and Riku remembered that Sora and Kairi were waiting for him.

XXX

“Hah!”  Sora yelled triumphantly.  “We did it!”

Kairi giggled, shaking her head.  “All you did was press one button.”

“Yeah, but it worked.”

They had finally figured out how to talk over the intercom to everyone in the Castle when Riku came back with the heavy box of decorations.  The Castle’s residents were already gathering, and Riku had to push his way through, accidentally stepping on Larxene’s toes and almost getting a nasty shock.  Xion quickly deflected it with her keyblade, and Riku gave her a quick smile of thanks.

With a grunt he set the tub on the table next to the intercom system.  “Hopefully everything’s in here.”

“That?”  Kairi scrutinized it.  “It’s kind of small…”

“It’s heavy enough to make up for it, trust me.”

“Great!”  Sora cheered, not worried in the slightest.  “So when everyone’s here, we can get started!”

Aqua pushed through the crowd towards them, a concerned look on her face.  “Did your announcement say that nobody’s decorated yet?”

“Yup,” Sora replied.

“But Vanitas said he was finished-”

Riku interrupted, having a good mental image of what probably happened.  “Did he just nod and agree with you when you asked him how everything was going?”

“Well, yes-”

“And he never gave you any proof?”

“I trusted that he’d-”

“While staring at you blankly?”

“Um, maybe-?”

Riku sighed and facepalmed.  “Then he has a large dose of Sora in him, and he wasn’t listening to a word you said.”

Aqua groaned and rested her head in her hands.  “I was going to supervise him… I thought he might need help, but… well, I didn’t have time.  Running a Castle is harder than it looks.”

“I’m sure it is,” Riku agreed.

“I haven’t even been out of this room in two weeks, except for today.”

“Really?”  Sora asked.  “Did you eat or anything?”

“When Terra or Ven brought me something.  My room’s connected-” she pointed to a door underneath one of the large screens, which was blank for the first time since they had moved to Castle Lampshade, “-so I slept in there or on one of the bean bags.”

“I’m sorry, Aqua,” Kairi said sympathetically.  The blue-haired master shook her head.

“Don’t worry, I’m fine.  I can rest later; we have a Castle to decorate.”

“Yeah!”  Sora clapped his hands and pushed a button on the intercom system, which turned on the microphone.  “Is everyone ready for Christmas?”

“YEAH!”  Was most of the residents’ reply.  Demyx’s was more of an excited squeal, Larxene examined her nails absently, and Luxord shuffled his cards.  Xion, Roxas, and Ven jumped up and down like the little kids they were on the inside.

“Then everyone line up for your assignments,” Aqua said, taking over the microphone.  The reply this time was much less enthusiastic.

“Aww, that means work, doesn’t it?”  Demyx asked.

“Yeah, man,” Hayner replied with a bummed sigh.

Xion flicked them both lightly.  Well, not quite as lightly as she meant to; Roxas and Axel had a higher pain tolerance than Demyx and Hayner.  “Cheer up, it’ll be fun.  It’s not like missions back in the Organization.”

“I still don’t know what the whole ‘Organization’ thing was about…” Hayner muttered.

The characters kind of lined up, but it was still more like an elongated blob.  Aqua sighed.  “They don’t listen very well…”

“Nope,” Riku agreed.  “But at least they’re listening at all. What do you want us to do?”

“Make a list of all the supplies we have to work with out of that box, and make another list of everything we need,” she said with the authoritative voice that had earned her the position of Castle Lampshade’s leader.

Sora saluted, Kairi giggled, and Riku started working.  He opened the tub, and…

_It’s empty?_ No, that wasn’t it.  It was more like there was a bottomless pit inside it, if that made any sense.  He reached in and pulled out a long string of lights.

“Those weren’t in there earlier, were they?”  Kairi asked.

“Nothing was in there earlier.  There still isn’t; take a look.”

She did.  Still gaping emptiness, or Void, or whatever it was.  “Weird.”

He shrugged.  “I’ve seen weirder.”

“Will you start handing out supplies?”  Aqua asked Kairi, and she agreed.

Riku pulled out decorations after decorations until there were enough for all of the characters to spread Christmas cheer throughout the Castle.  The last thing he pulled out, though, was heavy – so heavy that he needed Terra’s help.  With a deep, manly grunt, they together pulled out a ten-foot-tall Christmas tree.

“That… defies logic in so many ways,” Riku said, but he didn’t question it.  He and Terra left to set up the Christmas tree in the Common Room.

XXX

“Wow,” Kairi breathed.

“Double wow,” Sora seconded.

Riku smiled.  “We did a good job, didn’t we.”

At the end of the day, they lied under the Christmas tree, their faces tinted rainbow in the glow of its multicolored lights.  The keyblade wielders’ keychains – Way to Dawn and Kingdom Key and Destiny’s Embrace and Oathkeeper and Oblivion and Wayward Wind and Rainfell and Earthshaker – decorated it in place of ornaments. A fire burned in the hearth to their left, over which a long, long row of stockings hung.  Sora, Riku, and Kairi’s were cramped together in the corner, close as their bond of friendship.

“Yeah, we did,” Sora agreed with a large yawn.

“Tired already?”  Kairi teased. “Lazy bum.”

“Hey!”  He tried to brush her away, but another yawn caught him by surprise.  Riku laughed.

“We might as well go to bed.  You two are still young enough for Santa, right?”

“And you’re not?”  Kairi crossed her arms.

“I met Santa!”  Sora said defensively.  “And besides, if you’re too old, you just won’t get any presents, hah.”

“You’re such a kid.”  Riku leaned over Kairi to shove him, then smiled.  “That’s not always a bad thing.”

“Huh?”

Riku lied back down on his sleeping bag, hands behind his head.

“Hey, you’re not going to sleep yet, are you?”  Kairi asked, lying on her stomach and propping herself up with her elbows.  “You still have the record for the longest time awake on Christmas Eve.”

“And I plan on keeping that.”  Riku jerked a thumb at Sora, whose eyelids were already drooping.  “It’s not like I have any competition.”

“Hey,” Sora replied groggily.  “I’m… gonna do it this year, just watch…”

“Yeah, right.”  Riku grinned.  A few moments later, as predicted, Sora was snoring loud enough to wake any characters in the adjacent rooms.  Aside from that, the night was peaceful, and they were cozy and warm.

Kairi sighed contentedly.  “I love Christmas.”

“Mm-hmm.”

They lied in silence for a while before Kairi’s expression took on a more serious edge.  “Riku?”

“Hmm?”

“You’ll  still be my – our – friend, if me and Sora… if we… um…”  She rolled on her back, turning her pink face towards the garland-trimmed ceiling.

“Kairi.”  Riku rolled onto his side, placing a hand on her shoulder.  She hesitantly looked back towards him.  “You and Sora will always be my friends.  I think I’mthe one who should be asking that question to you two.”

“Riku…”  She fidgeted guiltily with the hem of her pajama shirt.  “I’m sorry if we… if we’ve ever made you feel left out…  I don’t want it to be that way.”

“I know.”  _But you did._ He didn’t blame her… it wasn’t her fault.  Really, that was the truth.  Just… sometimes it still hurt, just a little.

“And I’m sorry for punching you a few days ago…”

“It didn’t hurt.” _But it did._ Not physically… but emotionally it had hit him hard.  Of course he knew they liked each other, and in a way it was a relief that they finally went out and got it (almost) over with.  But… even though he’d grown up… and he’d accepted that Kairi would end up with Sora… Well, he just hadn’t accepted it as well as he’d thought.

But he would.  He wanted his best friends to be happy.  He wasn’t as selfish as he used to be.

“I shouldn’t have been mad at you… it’s not like you knew we were…”

“Kairi.  It’s okay.”  He smiled at her, only a little forced.  “The three of us will always be friends, and that’s what matters.”

She smiled back.  “Thank you, Riku.  It’s nice to hear that from you.”

It was nice to say it, too.  That no matter what they went through… how many adventures and times torn apart… (no matter how annoying Sora was when he snored…) They would always be best friends.

And that was the only Christmas gift they needed to give each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of you had asked for Riku’s POV, so hopefully this satisfied that as well. C: R-2 and “Xen-Xen” are from my other story “Will Prank For Food” and they probably won’t show up again. R-2 just decided he felt like multiverse-hopping and he’s a decent plot device. The squash juice reference is from the CoM manga, and the Void and Basement references were to various one-shots of mine.
> 
> In case you must know, Aqua was actually the one I thought hacked the Drop Gauge because she wanted Sora, Riku, and Kairi to be able to spend Christmas together. C:


	10. Evil Plans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This takes place before the events of chapter 5, by the way. (None of these drabbles are necessarily in order.)

Meetings were rather irritating for Xemnas these days.  No longer did he get to sit in the highest chair of the Room Where Nothing Gathers, and he now had to listen to Impetus’s monologues instead of imposing his own upon the old Organization.  And Impetus wasn’t even a good monologuer.  If he thought the younger version of himself would listen, Xemnas would’ve given him advice to praise Kingdom Hearts more.  She always shone more radiantly when he did that…  Before DiZ-I-mean-Ansem blew her up, anyway.

So when Xemnas was informed that Impetus had called a meeting again, he was less than pleased.  But at least it wasn’t in the Round Room, so he wouldn’t have to suffer the indignity of sitting in the third-lowest chair.

“What are we being called for, anyway?  I was in the middle of pwning my Snipers at Blackjack.”

“I have received no information other than that we are to meet in the Vault of Projected Illusions,” Xemnas replied to the Freeshooter.

“The movie room?  Is the Imp planning a cutscene marathon?  I heard the guys over at Castle Lampshade had one of those a few days ago.”  Xigbar followed Xemnas down the hallway, levitating a few feet off the ground just because he felt like it.  Saïx joined them from one of the intersecting corridors.

“What is this Castle Lampshade?”  He inquired.

“Ah, you’ve never been there.”  Xigbar waved a hand flippantly.  “Technically it’s supposed to be off-limits for us on this side of the Fourth Wall, but I couldn’t help myself.  Had to refill my microwave burrito stock from somewhere.”  He chuckled.  “Lucked out on getting the space-warp powers out of the Semi-Random-Element-Lottery.”

“…Indeed,” Saïx said somewhat enviously.  It was hard not to be jealous when he was stuck with one of the most useless elements, which was only more useless now that Kingdom Hearts was gone and there was no moon to draw power from.  Even Nothingness might have been better.  “Where is the meeting to be held?”

“The Vault of Projected Illusions,” Xemnas answered.  Saïx nodded mutely.

Xigbar tried to start a conversation during the rest of their long walk through the castle, but Xemnas was inwardly lamenting on how the light of his Kingdom Hearts no longer illuminated the halls, and Dusks could hold up a conversation better than the new version of Saïx.

“I kinda miss when you were arrogant and snarky,” Xigbar muttered under his breath after Saïx failed to react to a werewolf joke.

At last, they arrived in the Vault of Projected Illusions, which was essentially the Organization’s in-castle movie theater.  It hadn’t seen much use since the new Organization moved in, but the lesser Nobodies had apparently taken a liking to it, if the “NOBODYZ PWN HARTLSS” graffiti covering the walls was anything to judge by.

Xemnas took his seat first, taking up both of the armrests in the same way as when he sat on his throne, only this time it involved taking Saïx’s personal space.  The Lunar Diviner stared at his old Superior’s arm and sighed.  With a grin Xigbar stretched out his legs and lounged on Saïx’s other armrest, earning an irritated glare.

“What’s your problem?”  Xigbar teased.  No other response, but hey, a glare was better than nothing.  Maybe the ex-Number VII was starting to grow back his personality.

Impetus stood at the front of the room, tossing one of his blue ethereal blades from hand to hand impatiently.  Aside from Xemnas, Saïx, and Xigbar, who were seated in the second row of the middle section, there were only two other members gathered so far.  Ansem Seeker of Darkness sat in the very back, sulking and stroking his Guardian like it was a cat instead of a frightening dark monster, and Vanitas snapped at his Floods to not associate with “that loser and his wimpy pet.”

“I thought I saw Vani at Castle Lampshade,” Xigbar mused.  “This must be some big meeting.”

“Perhaps Master Xehanort is gathering anyone who ever associated with darkness,” Xemnas said.

He turned out to be right.  Disney and Square Enix villains alike gathered in the theater, even technically-good characters like Terra and Repliku and Roxas, who looked rather confused.

“We’re not supposed to Drop like Riku and Sora, are we?”  Roxas asked, glancing at the bar that had appeared at the bottom of his vision, just like the main characters’ Drop Gauges.  Repliku shook his head.

“Aqua didn’t program this.  Someone must’ve hacked our system.”

Terra and Roxas both trusted him on that.  He spent enough time debugging with Data-Riku to know what he was talking about.

Xigbar grinned and elbowed Saïx, nodding in the direction of the new arrivals.  “Hey, take a look down there.”

“Roxas?”  The light was dim, but that was certainly the figure that the Luna Diviner saw.  “He can’t be here of his free will.”

“Maybe they brainwashed him again, like they did you.”  Xigbar shrugged.  “Seems unlikely, though.  I saw him at C.L. too.”

“And there is the Riku replica and Terra, as well,” Xemnas added.  He felt a strange pang of sadness when he saw the young man from whom he had inherited his body.  “Surely Master Xehanort doesn’t mean to recruit them?”

Saïx’s eyes widened.  “Of course.  A recruitment drive.”

“Ahh,” Xigbar said in understanding.  “So that’s what all the fuss is about.”

Suddenly a platform stage rose in front of the movie screen, and Impetus strutted up onto it.  He surveyed the loud and violent crowd – Terra had found Vanitas, and Repliku was trying to prevent a fistfight between the two. Several other villains had also begun to squabble, threaten, or maim each other.

“Attention, lesser beings,” Impetus called over a microphone that magically appeared in his hand.  “Stop this nonsense and separate yourselves; Disney villains on the left, Square Enix villains on the right.”

Most of the villains glared at him, not wanting to take orders from a silver-haired pretty boy with ego issues.  Roxas called out, “What if we’re not villains?”

“Square Enix side,” Impetus ordered again.

“I’m not going to sit here and listen to you!”  Roxas yelled.

“That kid’s big mouth is gonna get him in trouble,” Xigbar muttered even as he was grinning.

“Hmm.  I can’t see how he would be useful to this Organization, considering he proved to be a major flaw in our old one,” Xemnas added.  Saïx shrugged, not offering an opinion.

Terra and Roxas both summoned their keyblades and Repliku summoned Soul Eater, sending various levels of panic, laughter, and general chaos through the crowd of villains.  Impetus simply casted Stopga on the trio.

“Anyone else object to hearing me out?  No?  Good.”  Impetus smirked.  “You will all be free to leave after this short video and a few questions.  We appreciate your cooperation.”

XXX  WHY YOU SHOULD JOIN THE NEW ORGANIZATION XIII  XXX

The old Master Xehanort’s image flickered onto the projector screen, hunched and creepy-looking as ever.  In the background lay the Keyblade Graveyard.  Not the most appealing place to shoot a recruitment video.

“Welcome, all followers of darkness.  My name is Master Xehanort, as I am sure you know.  Obviously by this point in time I’ve already completed several evil plots and made all of you hate me.”

(Vanitas attempted to cuss out the old guy, but the Disney censors muted him.)

Master Xehanort cleared his throat, which sounded like a cat coughing up a hairball.  (Later on the villains noticed that Lucifer _had_ coughed up a hairball, right on top of Drizella’s dress.)  “Nevertheless, I have a proposition for you.  Several accurate sources say that to forge the X-Blade, one needs seven hearts of pure light and thirteen hearts of pure darkness.”

(“ _Several accurate sources_?”  Xigbar snorted.  “As if.”  But he was already half-Xehanort, so what could he do?)

“There are always hearts of pure light.  Pesky things pop up everywhere.  What we need is the thirteen of darkness.”

( _So that’s why we were called Organization XIII even before there were thirteen of us,_ Saïx realized.   _Did Xemnas remember Xehanort’s plans?_ However, the old Organization’s leader seemed somewhat surprised as well.)

Master Xehanort continued to say on-screen, “You are probably wondering what benefits there are to turning over your heart to the darkness and basically letting me possess you.  I can assure you that there are no harmful side-effects, unless you count complete lack of free will as a harmful side-effect—”  *COUGH COUGH COUGH*  “I MEAN, no, there are no harmful side-effects whatsoever.”

(Xigbar and Saïx rolled their eyes.  Had Terra not still been under the Stop spell, he would’ve rolled his eyes too. 

 _“_ Even Terra’s not dumb enough to believe that!”Vanitas shouted, then went back to trying to come up with creative swears that the Disney censors wouldn’t mute.)

“As for benefits, the most important one is that you will be my pawn—er, ally—in taking over the universe, so you get all the benefits of an Evil Overlord.  If that isn’t convincing enough, you also get to stay in this lovely castle-”

( _How does he know we’re watching this in a castle?_ Saïx wondered.)

“-have the lesser Nobodies as your servants, and have amazing sparkly molten-gold eyes like mine.”

(Xemnas, Xigbar, and Saïx stared at each other.

“It’s really more like a topaz-” Xigbar began, but Saïx cut him off with a simple “Shut up, Xigbar.”

“The zombie speaks!”  The Freeshooter laughed, clapping Saïx on the back.  “Maybe there’s still hope for you, Moony.”)

“So, at this point would all who are interested in joining the New Organization XIII please step forward.  One of my other incarnations will take over from this point.  Thank you all for your cooperation.”

From off-screen a voice called, “Hey, why are you talking to yourself?”

Master Xehanort turned to his right and rasped, “Vanitas!  You’re supposed to be in Disney Town!”

“Are you rehearsing your proposal to Kingdom Hearts again?”  Vanitas’s voice asked, ignoring orders.

“No, I’m-!” Master Xehanort glared back at the screen and turned off the camera.  The projector flickered off.

XXX

“So _that’s_ what he was doing!”  Vanitas cackled.  “Too bad I never actually caught his proposal practice on video, though…”

Impetus coughed, trying to hide his embarrassment at failing to turn off the projector before the interruption.  He knew he should’ve previewed the video before the meeting.  Now the majority of the villains, Vanitas especially, were laughing without trying to restrain themselves.

“SILENCE, before I cast Stopga on all of you,” Impetus threatened loudly.  At that moment his previous Stopga spell wore off of Roxas, Terra, and Repliku, who exchanged glances and silently decided to attempt to sneak out.  Which would’ve worked much better if any of them knew the way out, and if they weren’t surrounded by villains on all sides.

“Hey,” Vanitas whispered to them, “You want out of here, right?”

“…Yeah?”  Roxas answered hesitantly.

Without warning, Vanitas flicked his wrist to cast a dark spell over them that made them invisible.

“Woah!  You can do that?!”  Roxas exclaimed.

Vanitas rolled his eyes.  _“Obviously,_ since I just did.  Now hurry up before it wears off.”

“Wait, but why are you helping us?”  Terra asked.

“You really are an idiot.  I hate Xehanort just as much as you guys do.  Just promise me you’ll give him a good Boss Battle when you get up there, and I’ll teleport up to meet you.”

Roxas nodded, forgetting he was invisible.  Repliku was the one to answer, “Sure, why not?”

Back at the front of the room, Impetus ordered, “Those who wish to join the New Organization XIII, step forward onto the stage.”

“I _said,_ step forward onto the stage.”  He glared.  One of the less-intelligent Disney villains who hadn’t been a part of Maleficent’s conspiracy in the first game was the first volunteer.

“Nobody steps onto stages like Gaston!”  Gaston proudly announced, strutting up to stand beside Impetus, who was beginning to think this was a horrible idea.

“I see,” he muttered, side-stepping away.  “So how do you plan to be useful to our Organization?”

“Organization?”  Gaston blinked.  Impetus wanted to facepalm.

“Were you paying any attention to the video?  At all?”

Gaston looked affronted.  “Did you expect me to watch that old man with the creepy hunch?  Of course I didn’t.”

Xigbar chuckled at the fury on Impetus’s face.  “Heh, maybe this meeting wasn’t so pointless after all.”

“Clearly it _is_ pointless; we can’t recruit heathens like him.  They show no loyalty or devotion to Kingdom Hearts.”

Saïx sighed.  “It will be best if this all ends in failure.”  He wouldn’t wish his fate on anyone, not even his most hated enemy.  Well, his most hated enemy _was_ Xehanort, so that wouldn’t have worked anyway.

Back on stage, Impetus had cast Blizzaga on Gaston, making the other villains roar with laughter.  They weren’t paying any attention to Roxas, Terra, and Repliku, who were crawling past their legs and out of the isle.

“Ugh, this is disgusting,” Repliku complained, flicking pieces of popcorn away and trying to avoid spiked boots and other villainous footwear.

“Yeah, well at least you can squeeze through a lot easier than I can…” Terra muttered.  He was invisible, but not intangible.  It was a miracle none of the villains had paid any attention to him squishing their legs.

“How much farther…?”  Terra’s and Repliku’s forms were fading back into visibility, and Roxas couldn’t see past them.

Finally they made it to the edge of the room, where the run to the door was a straight shot.  Unfortunately, they were also now completely visible and exposed to Impetus’s gaze, and he was done dealing with Gaston.

“Charge him!”  Repliku yelled, even though that plan had epically failed last time.  Vanitas teleported onstage, distracting Impetus with a swipe of Void Gear that knocked his Ethereal Blades away.  The villains were cheering now, calling out “VANITAS! VANITAS!” for those who knew his name, and “KID IN THE SKIRT!” for those who didn’t.

“IT’S NOT A SKIRT!”  Vanitas roared, taking out his annoyance with a flurry of blows that Impetus barely parried.

By now Roxas, Repliku, and Terra had made it on stage and were about to charge Impetus from behind.  Four-against-one didn’t seem like the best odds for him.

“This is more trouble than it’s worth,” he decided with a sigh.  Holding up his hand, he cast a spell to skip ahead in time until an alarm started blaring.  All the villains (and non-villains present) winced and covered their ears.

“Hey, isn’t this what it sounds like when Riku or Sora’s—?”  Roxas began to ask.

But then everyone except for the original members of the New Organization XIII dropped.

Impetus dismissed his Ethereal Blades, rubbed his temples, and walked offstage, muttering about a decline in the standards of villainy these days.  The other members were left with no explanation for the sudden mass exodus.

Xigbar stood up and stretched, cracking his back.  “Well, that was interesting.”

“No one has joined the cause of Kingdom Hearts,” Xemnas said sulkily.  “This meeting was an utter disappointment.”

Saïx shrugged.  “Kingdom Hearts doesn’t need them,” he said to appease Xemnas, though he was fine with no new members being picked.  It was also a relief to not have Xemnas and Xigbar stealing his armrest space anymore.

“You’re right, Saïx,” Xemnas said, smiling.  “We are her most devoted subjects.  Why would she need those useless heretics?”

“Speak for yourself, Xemmy,” Xigbar muttered, rolling his eyes, though he was smiling.  “I’m gonna go back to my Blackjack game.  You guys want in?”

Saïx didn’t particularly want to play, but it was better than sulking in his room, so he nodded. 

“There are hearts on Blackjack cards, right?”  Xemnas asked dubiously.  Xigbar laughed.

“Yup.  Allll the hearts you could want.  Jack, Queen, King, Ace…”

“You had me at hearts.”


	11. Mail Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Halloween special, part 1!

_“Hey everyone, Ven here to remind you guys it’s Monday, and Monday is MAAAAIL DAAAAAY!~”_ The hyper blond, who had eaten far too many sprinkle-covered pancakes for breakfast, shouted through the intercom system.  _“So be sure to report to the Fourth Wall Window so you can pick up all your awesome fanmail!  Or letters from people you actually know, if you get those.  I mean everyone_ I _know’s already here, except Master Eraqus, and he’s on vacation—”_

“Shut up and get off the mic already,” Vanitas called over his shoulder from where he lounged in one of the Fourth Wall Window’s many oversized bean bags.

_“—Anyway, don’t forget to pick up your mail, kthxbye!”_ Ven let go of the intercom button and bounced back to the bean bags, cannonballing into the empty one next to Vanitas.  “Don’t you just love Mail Day, Vani?”

“No.”  The black-haired teen didn’t even waste his energy by glaring at the lighter half.

“But everyone gets letters and packages and they all get to open them like it’s Christmas every week!”

“If Christmas is like Mail Day, it must be stupid,” Vani commented pessimistically.

“Aww, I know you’re just sad ‘cause you don’t have anyone but crazy fangirls to send you mail, but hey, at least you’re not like Aeleus.  He barely ever gets any mail from _anyone._ I sent him a letter once, actually, so he wouldn’t feel bad… _”_

This time Vanitas did bother to glare.  “So _why_ exactly do you like mail day so much?”

“ ‘Cause I get to see so many characters’ happy faces when they do get special letters!”  The blond grinned and hopped to his feet, extending a hand to his dark half.  “And besides, there’s always a chance you’ll get a surprise!”

Vanitas stood, ignoring Ven’s hand.  “I highly doubt it.”

“Hey, why don’t you pass out mail with me?  Maybe then you’ll see how fun it is!”

“No way.”

Ven grinned slyly, or as slyly as he was capable of grinning.  Vanitas thought he would’ve look less ridiculous with Hareraiser ears sprouting from his head.  “Y’know Aqua usually passes out the mail, right?  I bet she’d appreciate a little extra help…”

Vanitas couldn’t wait for the day Venhad a crush on someone.  That brat would never hear the end of it.

XXX

“And why do _I_ have to be the yaoi filter?  Darkness isn’t the same as disgustingness.  I’m not immune to it.”

“Somebody has to do it,” Aqua said, rubbing her temples.  “Normally I would do it myself or assign another female, since yuri is much less common, but… honestly, I can’t handle it this week, and our female-male ratio is rather low.”

“Yeah, I’ve noticed.”  Vanitas snorted.  _Maybe if there were more girls Terra would leave me and Aqua alone and find some poor loser to chase after._

“At least you can smell the yaoi without reading it,” Aqua pointed out.

“So could Zexion or Repliku.”

“Yes, but they don’t volunteer to help me.”  She ruffled his hair affectionately.

He didn’t let his happiness at that reach his face.  “That’s their problem.”

As he sniffed letters for the sickly-sweet, decaying smell that yaoi fanfics and fanart secreted, Ven called out the names of characters whose mail had reached the “safe” pile.

“Riku?  Nope, Riku’s pwning Dream Eaters in the Grid right now…” Ven tossed Riku’s mail into a pile by a blank computer monitor.  “Sora!  You’re here, right?”

“Yup!”  Sora bounced out of the noisy, impatient crowd.  “Sweet, I got mail!”

Vanitas rolled his eyes.  “You’re the hero.  You always get mail.”

“You never know, everyone could be reeeeally busy one week.”  Sora shrugged.

“Well, not this week.”  Ven grinned and handed Sora and oversized messenger bag full of letters and packages.

His eyes widened when the bag jerked his skinny arms downward.  “Heh… Heavy stuff, huh?”

“Yeah, I think your mom sent you a new supply of hair products.”  Ven’s eyebrows creased.  “Wait, that was one of Riku’s packages.  You got a fruitcake.”

“Sweet, fruit _and_ cake!  Two of my favorite things!”  He beamed and skipped off, oblivious to Ven’s warnings that the cake is a lie.

Vanitas chuckled and tossed a handful of letters into the “safe” pile before sniffing out a yaoi one that reeked like rotten tomatoes.  “Ugh, I’d need to make out with at least ten girls to get this smell out…”  He felt the hairs on the back of his neck stiffen with static, and he looked up into Larxene’s sneer.

“You’d have better luck jumping off the roof, half-pint.”  She flounced off, but not before jolting him with a current strong enough to burn the letter in his hands.  He would’ve started a boss fight right there if Aqua hadn’t come back to check on him.

“What happened?”  She asked in concern, running a hand gingerly through his spikier-than-normal hair.

_“Larxene,”_ he grumbled through clenched teeth.  “I’m fine.”  He couldn’t say the same for the letter he had been holding, which was now a pile of ash.  Too bad; it would’ve been great to see the look on Terra’s face if he “accidentally” let that yaoi fanletter slip through.

Not wanting to explain why Larxene had shocked him in the first place, Vanitas shrugged Aqua off and went back to sniffing mail while Ven called out more names.

“Lexaeus… who’s Lexaeus?”  Ven scanned the crowd until a confused, broad-shouldered man stepped forward.  “Oh!  Aeleus!  Here’s a letter for you!”

Ven’s smile took up his whole face as he handed the letter to Aeleus, who took it carefully as if it contained a bomb before stepping aside to read it.   As he did so, a barely perceptibly smile snuck its way onto his face, and he neatly refolded the paper and tucked it into a hidden pocket in his guard uniform.

“Can you read this one?”  Ven asked Aqua, squinting at an envelope that was covered in scribbles, for all Vanitas could tell.

“Oh, that’s for me,” Aqua said with a hint of a smile.  “Peter Pan and his Lost Boys never quite mastered their penmanship.”

“They send you letters a lot?”  Ven asked.  Vanitas felt a flare of jealousy that was somewhat sedated when Aqua answered, “They like me to tell them bedtime stories every once in a while.  I think they have it in their heads that I’m their mother, no matter what I tell them otherwise.”

“Well, you’ve got a lot of practice being a mom,” Vanitas interjected in an effort not to be ignored, “babysitting Ven for so long.”

“Hey!”  The blond exclaimed.  Aqua looked flustered, like she couldn’t tell if that was supposed to be a compliment to her or just an insult to Ven.  She didn’t have time to react before Vanitas detected a foul scent on the next letter that made him cough so hard, he thought he was going to puke out a lung.  Maybe two.

“What’s wrong?”  Aqua asked when his coughing fit died down enough for him to speak.

“This - *hack* *COUGH* - _smell,”_ he spat, engaging his helmet to protect his nose.

“I don’t smell anything,” Ven said in confusion.

“Of course _you_ wouldn’t.  Enhanced sense of smell is a darkness-given power.”

“No fair,” Ven pouted, crossing his arms.  Vanitas rolled his eyes, not that the other two could see.

“Would you _want_ to get stuck sniffing the mail for yaoi?  No, you wouldn’t.  So shut up.”

“Is that what it is? Yaoi?”  Aqua asked.  She’d correct his manners later, but now wasn’t the time.

“Worse.  Imagine cigarette smoke that made a cloud of acid rain that boiled in a pit of tar and brimstone.”

Aqua blinked.  “That’s… oddly descriptive.”

Vanitas shrugged lazily.  “That’s what Old Man Xehanort smells like.”

_“XEHANORT?!”_ Ven burst loudly enough to silence the characters still waiting for their mail.  When Vanitas realized the awkward pause wasn’t going to end any time soon, he said, “You don’t expect me to open it, do you?”

“Well, you are the most immune to darkness,” Aqua said logically, though not unsympathetically.  “We’ll be right here to counter any traps it may contain.”

All the characters waited in anticipation, some more patiently than others.  Larxene called _“Get on with it!”_ from the back of the room.

“Tch.  Just sacrifice me ‘cause I’m the darkest of all you.  I see how it is.”

“I’ll open it for you, Vani!”  Sora waved his hand and stepped out of the crowd.

The black-haired teen looked down at the unintimidating grey envelope in his hands.  Simple script handwriting, postmarked _The World That Never Was._ The mailing address didn’t contain an intended recipient, just Castle Lampshade as a whole.

Vanitas smirked.  “Nah, you sit this one out, Sora.  You get to play the hero every other day.”

He ripped open the envelope with all the finesse of a kindergartener eager to get at birthday money, but the result was as anticlimactic as just receiving a boring card.  He stared at the fancy stationary inside, which didn’t explode or unleash a horde of Heartless on impact.

_Residents of Castle Lampshade,_

_The Reorganized Organization XIII formally invites you to a social gathering for the celebration of a holiday known as Halloween.  Perhaps you have heard of it from the world of the same name.  This social gathering is to be held at the Castle That Never Was in the Grey Area on the eve of October 31.  There will be_

_~~YO LAMPSHADERS, WHATS UP?  YOU GUYS BETTER SHOW UP TONIGHT CUZ MOONY OVER HERES MORE BORING THAN KIDDO BACK IN HIS ZOMBIE DAYS.  AND XEM DOESNT PLAY CARD HALF AS GOOD AS POKERFACE.  I ACTUALLY MAKE MUNNY SOMETIMES~~ _

_food provided.  Costumes are encouraged._

_Requesting your attendance,_

_Saïx of the Reorganized Organization XIII_

_~~P.S. OR ELSE WE CAN COME CRASH YOUR CASTLE, WHATEVS.  YOU GUYS STILL HAVE SOME MORE BURRITOS, RIGHT?~~ _

_P.S. This was Impetus’s idea; I was simply ordered to write the invitation._

“Those idiots sent us an _invitation?”_ Vanitas exclaimed after reading the letter.  The crowd broke into a confused uproar.

“Invitation to what?”  Aqua asked, right hand clenching around the empty space where her keyblade would be.

“You can read.”  Vanitas shoved the paper card at her and removed his mask when it was far enough away for the scent not to assault his nose.

Aqua’s brow furrowed in a way that Vanitas wished wasn’t as adorable as it was.  “A Halloween party…?”

“Huh?”  Ven interrupted.

“What?”  “Huh?”  Voices in the crowd murmured.

“Why would Xehanort invite us to a party?”  Aqua asked.

“Read the not-so-fine print,” Vanitas said, growing increasingly irritated.  “There at the bottom, below Saïx’s frilly signature.”

“The marked out part?  ‘Or else we can come crash your castle-‘ this is a threat, isn’t it.”  Aqua actually seemed more composed now that she came to this conclusion.

“Took you long enough,” Vanitas said with a roll of his eyes.  “We either show up, or they invade us.  Braig knows how; he steals our burritos all the time.”

“So _that’s_ where they keep going!”

“Shut up, Ven,” Vanitas ordered.  “Don’t ask me why they haven’t done it earlier, or why they’re bothering with a Halloween party.”

“Well, they did hack into our Drop system last week to take you and some of the others to their castle…  Could they do it in reverse?  Transport themselves to our castle?”

“I thought you had Data Riku and Ienzo fix whatever let them hack it,” Ven said dubiously.  “And what’s so bad about a party?  Even Xehanort couldn’t mess that up, right?”

Vanitas and Aqua stared at him.

“Okay, okay, Xehanort could mess anything up,” he admitted.  “But maybe they’re just really bored.  I mean, they can’t hurt us here even if they do get in, ‘cause of the magic protect-y stuff.”

“That’s not really how it works,” Aqua said carefully.

“Well, I’m going,” Vanitas announced, sniffing the last handful of mail and dropping it in the “safe” pile with the exception of one pink-enveloped letter.

“What?  It could be a trap, or—”

“Who knows?”  Vanitas shrugged.  He wasn’t going to let Aqua think he was afraid of a bunch of idiots that couldn’t even beat up _Sora._ “That’s why I’ll go find out.  See what those losers are up to.”

“So what’s going on?”  Sora asked over the roar of the crowd.  “Something about a party?”

Aqua cleared her throat, putting on her Important Announcement voice.  “The Reorganized Organization XIII has invited us to a Halloween party scheduled for tomorrow, October 31.”

There was instant chaos among the characters, who were shouting in a mixture of outrage, confusion, and (occasionally) excitement.

“ATTENTION!” Aqua yelled, not needing a microphone to amplify her voice.  “They claim that they will move their party to our castle if we do not show up at theirs.  Whether or not they are bluffing, I can’t be sure, but with that considered I believe we should take a vote.”  Before the characters could argue, she continued, “Those of you who want to attend their party stand in front of the viewing screen; those of you who do not want to attend move towards the door.”

Chaos ensued as the majority of the characters migrated towards the door, though a surprisingly large number still fought their way to stand under the screen where Riku was opening a treasure chest.  Roxas, Xion, and a few other confused or indecisive characters remained in the middle.

“Will Axel be there?”  Roxas asked.

“Most likely not,” Aqua answered.  When she saw his and Xion’s shoulders slump in disappointment, she added, “Though it is possible.”  Faces brightening again slightly, they joined the group by the screen.

“Really?”  Kairi asked incredulously.  “How could you want to go and see everyone we fought against?”

“Aww, Kai, you’re no fun.”  Demyx pouted by the screen.  “Nobody  throws parties like Nobodies!”  He laughed at his own joke.

“Surely it would be a most interesting gamble,” Luxord threw in his metaphorical two munny while  shuffling his cards.

“We can kick their butts if they try anything,” Vanitas said to Aqua.  “I say we just go anyway.  Since when are we a democracy?”

“I doubt it will be that simple,” she replied, gaze drifting between the two separate groups of characters.  “But it may be worth investigating, just in case…”

“So what are we doing?”  Ven asked, his hands still full of letters to pass out.

Aqua cleared her throat.  “As the voting shows, the majority does not want to attend, and nobody will force you.”

“Heh, Nobody will—OW!”  Larxene smacked Demyx upside the head before he could finish another lame pun.

“However,” Aqua continued, “if you do wish to accept the Reorganized Organization’s invitation, we will have the Drop system set up to transport you there and back.  Just know that you assume any risks involved.”

“Woohoo!  Partyyyy!”  Demyx cheered, dancing around in circles until Larxene smacked him again.

“That idiot won’t survive the night,” Vanitas muttered.

“You may all return to your regular activities,” Aqua finished as the chaotic chatter crescendoed past its usual level.  As Ventus went back to passing out letters, she sighed, turned to Vanitas, and said, “I’m probably asking for trouble by letting them go…”

“I’ll keep the idiots in check,” Vanitas promised, but she answered him with a dubious look.  “What?”  He challenged.

“First of all, it’s not polite to call people idiots.  And secondly, I would feel more at ease if I went myself.”

“What, you don’t trust me?”  He tried putting on an innocent face like Ven, but it only made him look more conniving.

“You haven’t exactly proven yourself the most trustworthy person, Van.”

Vanitas tossed his arms in exasperation.  “I only possessed your friend and tried to start an interplanetary war _one time._ Besides, I couldn’t stand to be stuck with Ven’s face for the rest of my life.”

He had no idea why she laughed at that, and he didn’t have time to ask before Terra walked in, wielding a drill and wearing a toolbelt that looked weird with his pleated pants.

“Terra!” Aqua called for him, but Ven intercepted before he reached her.

“Here’s your mail~!”  He sing-songed, thrusting a stack of letters into the muscular teen’s arms.

“Thanks, Ven,” Terra replied and shoved them into an oversized pocket in his toolbelt.

“Hey, you’ll never guess the letter we got!”  Ven bounced, dropping the envelopes he was still supposed to be passing out.  “Go on, try to guess!”

“The ‘Norts invited us to their Halloween party,” Vanitas told Terra.

“Aww, he was supposed to guess!”

Terra stared at Aqua incredulously.  “We’re not going.  Right?”

“You’re not,” she answered.  “I need you to be in charge of the castle while I’m gone.”

“What, so you’ll trust _him_ with a whole castle?”  Vanitas pouted, but he was ignored.

“But why are you going?  _Xehanort_ will be there!”

“Not our Xehanort,” Vanitas reminded him.  “The old man hasn’t made it yet if that younger idiot was in charge at the Recruitment Drive.”

“His name’s Impetus, if he’s the one Saïx claimed set up the party,” Aqua said.

“Still, any Xehanort is still a Xehanort.”  Terra’s eyebrows creased in distrust.  Vanitas found this somewhat amusing, considering Terra _was_ a Xehanort at one point.  Still kind of technically was, in canon anyway.

“The only way we’ll know if they’re planning something is if we go.  Besides, we might learn something about what Sora and Riku are up against,” Aqua said.

Terra shook his head.  “I still don’t think you should go… but be safe, okay?”

“I will.”  Aqua smiled.  Vanitas wanted to punch something.

At least, he realized, if Terra was watching the castle, he had a whole night with Aqua to himself.

“C’mon.”  He smirked, grabbing Aqua’s wrist.  “We’ve gotta find some costumes.”


	12. In Which Impetus Fails Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Halloween special, part 2!

“Xem,” Xigbar said when he could finally control his cackling laughter, “You just made my life.”

His former boss’ silver eyebrows drew together.  “I do not recall anything amusing, Number II.  Surely you are not showing disrespect for my display of devotion to my beloved?”

Xemnas’s serious tone of voice only made him that much harder to take seriously.  The zebra cloak covered in a rainbow of construction paper hearts didn’t help, either.

“Nope, no disrespect at all, Bossman.”  Xigbar grinned like a combination of the Cheshire Cat and the Joker.

“And what is this apparel you have chosen to don?”

“Eh, just a pirate costume.  Pirate’s always a classic.  Works well with the eyepatch.”  He shrugged and waved his arm, bending space to teleport the table of treats Saïx had cooked from the kitchen to the Grey Area.  Xemnas had finished decorating before Xigbar got there, and apparently he’d been a little confused about this “Halloween” business, because more paper hearts like those on his costume were mixed around the room in between bedsheet ghosts and ethereal-blade carved jack-o’-lanterns.  Some of which were also in the shape of hearts.

“Dude,” Xigbar shook his head, “we have seriously got to get you a new hobby.”

Another figure finally strode through the door, but Xigbar couldn’t tell who it was at first beneath the white hoodie made to resemble the head of a Dusk.  Then he saw a few strands of blue hair escape, as well as the clipboard in the “Dusk”’s hand.

“Number VII?”  Xemnas asked, puzzled.  “Why would you choose to imitate the most lowly of the Nobody species?”

“Because that is what we are,” Saïx mumbled in reply.

“Deep,” Xigbar said offhand, “but you gotta stop being so emo.”  He paused for a second, scratching his eyepatch, which had the Jolly Roger emblem painted white on top of it.  “Bet Flamsilocks used to help you with that.”

Saïx stayed silent.  The only noise was his pen skritching against the paper as he checked off _food_ and _decorations._

“Sheesh, the Lampshaders better show up before I go as crazy as you two.”

As if at his command, a huge group of characters Dropped into the Grey Area, some narrowly avoiding the snack table, some crashing onto the other various tables, two even landing on Saïx.

Those two happened to be Roxas and Xion, clad in Peter Pan and Tinkerbell costumes, respectively, and they sprang away from their ex-… what would they call him?  Boss?  Slavedriver?  Almost-murderer?

“Nothin’ to worry about, Kiddos.”  Xigbar grinned and pulled the scowling Saïx to his feet.  “He’s pretty dead-in-the-head these days.”

Saïx’s scowl intensified, if it were possible, but he didn’t move.  No matter where he went among the crowd of “guests,” he would face only hate.

Though most of the characters were whispering anxiously among themselves, Aqua wasted no time in marching to the head of the room where Xigbar, Saïx, and Xemnas stood.

“You finally jumped on the bandwagon, eh?”  Xigbar said, eyeing her black coat.

“I’m not here to discuss fashion with you, Braig.”  This was the man who assisted Xehanort in planning her and her friends’ deaths.  Terra was right.  She shouldn’t have come.

“That’s a shame, really, ‘cause that coat really brings out your figure.”  He cocked an eyebrow suggestively.  He was trolling her and she knew it, but that didn’t stop the keyblade from automatically materializing in her hand.

Vanitas got to him first, leaping into action without bothering with a weapon, throwing a jab at Xigbar’s rib cage and uppercutting his solar plexus.  Normally not enough to make Xigbar flinch, but Vanitas had surprise on his side, and he staggered back.

“Heh, you got a little spunkier since last time I saw you, kid.  Good thing for you I’m not here to fight.”

“I would kick your butt into next _week_ , you old—”

Suddenly a Stop spell fell over the two arguing characters, freezing their expressions in rage and amusement respectively.

“Can we not have a simple reunion without resorting to violence?”  Young Xehanort, or Impetus as he was better known, said with a sigh of exasperation.  “Food is available along the left wall, and no, before you ask, it isn’t poisoned.  Feel free to do whatever it is normal people do at parties.  Carry on.”

With that dismissal, the Stop spell on Vanitas and Xigbar broke, but Aqua dragged Vanitas back before he could start another fight.

“I should have looked for a different costume,” Aqua said to herself.  She didn’t particularly want to go as an Organization member, but she thought it might double as a disguise if necessary.  Considering the Reorganized Organization had costumes too, though, that wasn’t likely to work.

“At least the authoress didn’t put you in something like _this,”_ Vanitas stretched his spandexy Red Power Ranger suit.

Aqua laughed.  “At least you’re cute in that, though.  I just look like a bad guy.”

“I’m not _cute.”_ Vanitas scowled, only making himself cuter.  “And as a bad guy, I think those coats are cool.  Definitely better than my usual outfit…”

“Maybe we should just trade costumes,” Aqua joked.  “How do you think I would look as a Power Ranger?”

Vanitas really didn’t need the invitation to picture Aqua in form-fitting spandex.  “But you can’t be the Red Ranger, he’s always a guy.  You could be the Pink Ranger or something.”

Aqua rolled her eyes.  “Sometimes you can be as much of a guy as Terra.”

“Hey!”  Vanitas objected, and she shook her head.

“Never mind.  We’re getting sidetracked.”

Their mission was to protect the characters at the party.  Even if it seemed harmless on the surface, they had to be vigilant.

“You should inspect the food,” Aqua told Vanitas, not trusting Impetus’s promise that it wasn’t poisoned.

“What are you going to do, see if I fall over dead?”

“Of course not.  Just tell me if anything smells wrong.”

“Oh.”

As they made their way to the refreshment table, they saw that the party had picked up.  Demyx had started a game of Waterball (which Aqua didn’t allow in Castle Lampshade because he never cleaned up the mess it caused) with Hayner and Roxas.  Luxord sat on one of the couches, making up tarot card readings for whatever characters were gullible enough to listen.

 “Where are all the Re-Org guys?”  Vanitas asked, picking up and sniffing a blue-frosted cupcake.  Aside from a moderate dose of sugar, it smelled clean.

“Hmm…”  Aqua scanned the room.  “I don’t see them…”

That was because Saïx was standing in a corner, staring morosely out the window; Xemnas was asking if Naminé, dressed as an artist, would draw a picture of himself with his “beloved”; and Xigbar had taken a break from antagonizing Larxene to observe the party from the ceiling.

“Heh, they actually think we spiked the food.”  Xigbar chuckled, watching Aqua and Vanitas play health inspector.  “Eh, probably would’ve if I made it.”  He shrugged, then teleported down to where Xemnas and Saïx were sulking in a corner.

“I shall be with you again, my beloved,” Xemnas murmured, fog spreading around where his hand met the window.  His other hand was gently caressing the crayon drawing Naminé had given him.  “Your light shall again grace these desolate halls, or else I shall fall into the Void myself and join my raging heart with yours-”

“Yo, I think I saw your Beloved by the punch bowl,” Xigbar managed to say with a straight face.  Xemnas’s eyes lit up like Christmas lights.

“I shall not betray thee again, beloved!”  He called while dashing gallantly off, heart-covered cloak swishing at his heels.

“Think that costume went to his head…”  Xigbar mused.  Saïx let out a small sigh.  “What about you?  Gonna sit here and angst the whole time?”

Saïx made no reply.  If it wasn’t for the slight rise and fall of his chest, Xigbar might’ve thought he was dead.

“You could go terrorize the Keybladers.  You used to like that, right?”

If glares could kill, Saïx’s would’ve been the equivalent of a nuclear explosion.  Xigbar wouldn’t have been too surprised if little mushroom clouds blew up in his pupils.

“Whatever, X-Face.”  Xigbar shrugged.  _“I’m_ gonna go have some fun.”

His definition of ‘fun’ was probably causing chaos and scaring the pants off random characters.  Saïx wanted no part of it.

“Why has Impetus found it necessary to torment us like this…?”  The Grey Area, one of his favorite places of repose that hadn’t been completely destroyed yet, would likely be demolished by the end of the night.  At least Axel wasn’t there to set anything on fire…

As a still-nearly-emotionless being, he didn’t flinch at the memory of his best friend.  He almost wished he had.

“Saïx!”  Impetus called for him by name, such a rare occurrence that Saïx didn’t even recognize it at first.  He was far more used to being called ‘Number VII’ by Xemnas and either ‘X-Face’ or ‘Moony’ by Xigbar.  “Saïx!  Your presence is required.”

He strode past an apple-bobbing barrel manned by Marluxia and Larxene to reach Impetus’s table, one of those plastic ones with the folding legs like regular people might take on picnics.

“There you are,” Impetus said condescendingly.  “Take over my booth.  I must confer with the Void.”

He corridorred away before Saïx could respond.

“The Void deserves better than you,” he muttered out of spite.  What had the Imp been doing with this ‘booth,’ anyway?

Saïx leafed through one of the many pamphlets strewn across the table.  The title read “How Darkness Can Work for You,” and featured a too-accurate picture of Master Xehanort’s creepy grin.

Saïx wanted to facepalm.  “He set this up simply as an extension of his recruitment drive?”

“Alas, my beloved was not by the punch bowl.”  Xemnas suddenly appeared next to him.

“You have my sincerest condolences,” Saïx drawled.

“I appreciate your concern,” Xemnas replied with a nod.  One of the construction paper hearts fell off of his zebra cloak, but he didn’t seem to notice.  “Have you been promoted?”

“Unless you consider handing out pamphlets to be above my current status, no.”

“Oh.”  Xemnas frowned at said pamphlets.  “I doubt these will turn anyone to the cause of the lovely Kingdom Hearts.  Not a single depiction of her on them… I should have been in charge of this rather than the Imp.”

“You may take over now, if you wish,” Saïx offered the pouting Xemnas the chair behind the table. 

“Of course I shall.  The glorious word of my beloved must be preached in every corner of every world,” he said seriously before catching sight of Aqua and Vanitas venturing within shouting distance.  “You two there!  Do you have a moment to talk about the glorious light of Kingdom Hearts?”

Vanitas shrugged.  “Beats getting electrocuted in the apple-bobbing barrel again.”

Aqua glared at Xemnas.  “I don’t suppose you know what this whole ‘party’ is actually about, do you?”

“This.”  Saïx gestured to the table.  “Impetus needed a more discreet method of recruiting members to the New Organization XIII.”

Vanitas blinked.  “…I knew Xehanort was stupid, but I didn’t think he was _that_ stupid.  Who’s he expect to get, Demyx?”

“I suppose he’s desperate.”  Saïx shrugged. “The blame will fall on his head if Master Xehanort does not have thirteen vessels by the end of the game.”

“Stupid, but I guess it makes sense,” Vanitas said to Aqua.  “Can we stop ‘investigating’ now?  I want to go show Dilan and Braig up at their dart-throwing contest.”

“…Go ahead, Van.  Just don’t get hurt.”

“Sheesh, Aqua, you’re not my mom.”  Vanitas rolled his eyes before leaving.

“So,” Xemnas continued as if there had been no interruption.  “The message of Kingdom Hearts is one of darkness and despair, yet at the same time light and hope for all who serve her…”

Aqua kept watch over the other characters while Xemnas continued to monologue.  Everyone seemed to be having a good time, even those who hadn’t originally wanted to come.  Sora and Kairi were trying all of Saïx’s desserts; Naminé, Xion, and Olette were standing behind one of the couches and giggling; Roxas was sparring with Ansem Seeker of Darkness; and Vanitas was trying to catch up with Dilan and Braig at darts.  Maybe this wasn’t such a bad idea after all… She would have to consider having a party at Castle Lampshade for the next holiday.

“…Well?”  Xemnas asked expectantly, startling Aqua.  She hadn’t realized he was still talking.

“This is the part where you say ‘no,’” Saïx informed her.

“…No?”  She replied uncertainly.

Xemnas huffed and crossed his arms, paper hearts falling off them.  “Why is it that no one can see the greatness of my beloved?”

“Because it involves being possessed by a psychopathic old man,” Saïx replied.  “I apologize for taking your time,” he said to Aqua.

“It’s fine.  I wasn’t doing much else anyway.”

Strutting out of a dark corridor, Impetus finally returned.  “You are free to go,” he dismissed Xemnas and Saïx, then cocked an eyebrow at Aqua.  “Have _you_ come to join our cause?”

“No,” Saïx answered for her.

“Pity.”  Impetus sighed.  “I recall fighting you in the remains of the Land of Departure.  You would have been an asset to our Organization.  I don’t suppose anyone else has inquired about our benefits?”

“None,” Xemnas answered sadly.

Impetus sighed again.  “Then I believe it is time for this party to come to an end.”

He snapped his fingers, and the Lampshaders’ Drop Gauges emptied.  They disappeared with barely a second to wonder what had happened.

Impetus massaged his temples.  “I’ll have to resort to those uppity Final Fantasy characters if I can’t find anyone else soon…”

If he had his own heart, Saïx might’ve felt bad for the Imp.  Almost.  He could related to keeping an Organization running under the demands of a mostly-clueless leader, but still, Impetus was Young Xehanort, the origin of every awful thing that ever happened to him.  If it weren’t guaranteed to destroy the space-time continuum, he would’ve killed Young Xehanort a long time ago.

Xemnas sighed, his few remaining hearts finally fluttering off of his coat.  “Final Fantasy characters are underserving of my beloved’s light.  Especially Sephiroth.  He boasts of his silver hair that he claims is greater than mine.”  Xemnas did a majestic hair flip.  “Surely mine is far superior.”

“Y’know, I wonder if someone _did_ spike the punch bowl,” Xigbar mused.  “C’mon, Xem, Moony, it’s still Halloween.  Let’s go steal candy from kids.”


	13. Charts and Triangles

Aqua had been suspicious of what Terra and Vanitas were up to for a while now.  Maybe it was paranoia to think that there was an ulterior motive behind their eagerness to help, but she had to be realistic.  It was _Terra and Vanitas_ she was talking about.

But she couldn’t afford to turn down their offers of help, not when she had a whole castle to run.  How had Saïx done it?  Every day there were chore lists to organize, Drop cycles to monitor, food supplies to restock, protection spells to recast… and she didn’t have the control over the lesser Nobodies that Saïx had, which made Vanitas and his Unversed an irreplaceable help.  The creatures of negativity were still unnerving, but she was growing oddly used to them, even the Floods that acted like attention-hungry housecats. 

Of course, Terra was helpful too, always taking on the “manly tasks” (as he called them) of moving heavy furniture around the castle and repairing broken windows, appliances, pool filters, et cetera.  This had mixed results – he had experience fixing things from their apprentice days in the Land of Departure, but those were usually things like training equipment and their treehouse, not pool filters and washing machines.  He was catching on quickly with help from Ienzo and Aeleus, though, and he had almost reached the point that Aqua didn’t have to secretly go back and make changes to everything he’d “fixed.”

Aqua might have eventually gotten used to Vanitas and Terra’s uncharacteristic helpfulness if she hadn’t witnessed something strange in the Fourth Wall Window.

“Are you sure you want to hang this in here?  You know, where everyone can see?”  The unmistakable sound of Ven’s voice asked from the other side of the room.  Well, sometimes it was mistakable for Roxas’s voice, but in general the former had a bouncier, less confused tone to it, even when the two were both asking questions.

“So what if everyone sees that I’m better than Terra?”  And that was either Vanitas, or Sora trying to sound like he’d hit puberty.

“Brag while you still can.  You won’t be in the lead for long,” Terra growled, the one voice that Aqua could actually be sure of.

She peeked out from behind the computer monitor where she had paused in typing up the next day’s chore chart.  What could those three be up to this late at night?

_“Aqua’s_ going to see,” Ven clarified, making her brow furrow.  What could her best friends not want her to see?  Some sort of prank?  From her viewpoint, the only interesting thing she could see was a white poster board in Ven’s hand.

“She won’t know what it is,” Terra said.

“She’ll _ask,_ duh.  Since when am I the smartest one in the group?”

“You’re forgetting someone, idiot.”

“Well for some reason you think this is a good idea too, Vani, so that puts you on the same level as Terra right now.”

“Hey!”  The two other boys exclaimed simultaneously, forgetting to keep their voices down.

Terra crossed his arms.  “When did you get so rude?”

“I just don’t think this is fair to Aqua,” Ven said honestly.  “If she…” his voice grew too quiet for her to hear, even when she strained her ears, “…’d just make her worry even more.  And you know how much she has to deal with already.”

Vanitas and Terra exchanged an aggressive glance.

“Fine.”  Vanitas swiped the poster board out of Ven’s hand.  “We’ll put it somewhere less conspicuous.  Nobody needs a stupid chart to know I’m winning, anyway.”

“Oh, yeah?”  Terra challenged.  “Well, just wait until I-”

Aqua’s hand accidentally pressed a button on her keyboard as she tried to shift to a better angle.  This just happened to the mute button, and with the mute now turned off, the playlist she had been listening to earlier blasted from the speakers.

_“-atever lies beyond this morning is a little later-”_ she hastily pressed the mute button again, but it was too late.  Vanitas had already disappeared through a dark corridor, Ven had sprinted away the second he heard a sound, and Aqua barely caught a glance of Terra’s boot running out the door.

Aqua sighed in frustration.  “What are they hiding from me…?”

XXX

The next day, Aqua made time in her busy schedule to ambush Ven in front of the dining hall.

“Hi, Aqua!”  He chirped and waved before processing her serious expression.  The words _“ABORT! ABORT!”_ practically flashed in bright red letters on his face as he spun on his heels and dashed back down the hallway.  Fortunately for Aqua, Riku’s path happened to intersect Ven’s, and the blond smacked into the silverette’s buff shoulder.  Riku himself barely flinched, blinking down at the would-be escapee.

“…You know what, I’m not going to ask,” Riku said, walking past him towards the dining hall.

“I’ll apologize for him, Riku,” Aqua said, sounding contrite even as she stifled a laugh.

“It’s fine.”  He shrugged without stopping.  She didn’t blame him; he probably didn’t have much time to eat before he Dropped.

“Ungh… he’s like a brick…” Ven muttered, still sprawled on the floor.  Marluxia stepped over him on his way to breakfast.  Larxene stepped _on_ him.

“Larxene,” Aqua said in warning as she pulled the whimpering Ven to his feet.

“Oh, was there a bug there?  Sorry, I didn’t see it.” Her voice was sickly sweet with sarcasm, but Aqua chose not to pick a fight at that moment.  She still needed to talk to Ven, and she’d like to make it back to the dining hall before Xaldin closed it down to prepare for lunch.

“Come on, Ven.” She gave him a potion when he played dead.  “Listen, I’m not mad at you.  I just want to know what’s going on.”

“I didn’t do anything,” he felt the need to inform her anyway.

“I wasn’t accusing you of anything, Ven.”

“Good, ‘cause I didn’t do anything.  And neither did Terra and Vani.”

Aqua raised an eyebrow.  “And what exactly did you three not do?”

“We _didn’t_ keep score of who did more nice things for you- uh, I mean…. Oops.”  Ven ruffled his hair, face reddening.

“…What?”  Why were they being so secretive about that? And why were they keeping _score?_

“I wasn’t in it!”  Ven held his hands out innocently.  “The contest, I mean.  That was Vani and Terra.  I just kept score for them so it would be fair.”

“I don’t understand,” Aqua said in bewilderment.  “Why are they having this contest?”  There was only one explanation she could think of, but surely they weren’t…?

“I was sworn to secrecy.”  Ven mimed zipping his lips.

“Since when do you and Terra keep secrets from me?”

Grunting, Ven shrugged and pointed to his still-zipped lips.  At this rate Aqua was going to miss lunch as well as breakfast.  Characters were beginning to trickle out of the dining hall, so she laid a hand on her mute friend’s shoulder and steered him across the hall, opening a thick wood door into a large domed room.

Ven stared at the place in open-mouthed wonder, forgetting his zipped-lip policy.  “We have a _lamp garden?”_

“Castle Lampshade has its name for a reason.  Multiple reasons, actually, but this is one of them.”  He likely would have kept staring at the lamps of every shape, size, and color growing from the grassy ground if Aqua hadn’t brought his attention back to the previous topic with a rather expected question.

“Van and Terra both have crushes on me, don’t they?”

Ven held up his hands, backing up a step.  “If anyone asks, you said it, not me.”

Aqua sighed.  She really should have guessed this earlier, and subconsciously she had, but she hadn’t wanted to deal with it.  Easier to hope they were just being uncharacteristically helpful than to deal with two of her friends fighting over her.  She had enough stress already without adding a love life to her schedule, and she wasn’t looking forward to the guilt and emotional backlash when she eventually had to dash their hopes.

Or maybe she wouldn’t.  Was she a bad friend if she kept letting them do nice things for her without returning their feelings?  But she really needed the help…

“Can I go now?”  Ven asked, his stomach rumbling loudly.

Aqua nodded absently, brow furrowed.  “Sure, Ven.  Thank you.”

She hung back for a little while before following him to the dining hall.  Naturally, Xaldin had closed down breakfast by now.  Also naturally, someone was shouting for assistance at this disappointing moment.

“Aqua!  Aqua!”  At first she thought it was Ven again, but Roxas’s Organization coat marked him as a different character from her friend.  Also, he was still holding his trademarked Oathkeeper and Oblivion keyblades.  “Cracked – Heartless – Basement –” he panted between words, resting his weight on his blades, which were leaving indentions in the polished hardwood.  Once he’d caught his breath he finished, “-ranawayandit’stoodarkevenformeandXionandit’sstillthere!”

“Roxas, calm down.”  She put her hands on his shoulders and crouched down to his level, just like she would have done for Ven.  “Take a deep breath.”

He did so, cheeks puffing out to the size of oranges.

“And let it out.”

Roxas practically spat out the air and began talking again.  “You’ve got to stop it!  Axel’s not here and you’re the other strongest person I know.”

Aqua blinked in surprise at the compliment, but now wasn’t the time to act flattered.  “What do I need to stop?”

“A glowing Heartless in the Basement!  Vanitas dared me and Xion to go down there and it was way in the back behind a bunch of stuff.  I think we woke it up.”

So many things didn’t make sense about this, like how the Heartless got in or why Roxas listened to Vanitas or why Roxas was scared of a Heartless or the fact that a Heartless could sleep.  “Did Vanitas know it was there?”

Roxas’s face hardened into a scowl.  “He’d better not.”

“Hmm…”  In a brilliant moment of inspiration, an idea sprung into her mind.  “Don’t tell him, okay?  And don’t worry.  I’ll make sure this is taken care of.”

“…Okay.”  Roxas nodded, still looking a little worried, but not panicked like he had been before.

Even though she had a plan that should take care of both of her problems at once, she shared a little bit of his worry.  If Roxas, who had faced giant Heartless as a normal part of his life in the Organization, was afraid of this monster, what kind of twisted nightmare could it have come from?


	14. The Basement That Doesn't Want to Be

“Right, clean out the basement, she says!”  Terra grunted as he shoved a giant box labeled _VOID_ into the dark corridor Vanitas had opened.  “It’ll be fun, she says!”

“Aqua never said it would be fun,” Vanitas grumbled, conjuring a new Bruiser to replace the one that had been crushed under an avalanche of toaster ovens.  “She said it would be good _‘bonding time.’_ Ugh.”  He felt like throwing up, but it would be one more thing he would have to clean.  Plus he had his helmet on to protect himself from who knew what was down here.

Sure, he liked Aqua, but sending him to the Basement That Doesn’t Want to Be with _Terra_ of all people was pushing it.  Even if he _had_ dared Roxas and Xion to come down here.  But still, he didn’t make them clean or anything, he just wanted them to stop bothering him out of boredom. 

Terra snorted.  “As if.”

Vanitas rolled his eyes.  Terra just had to sound like Braig now, didn’t he?  It was probably specifically to annoy him.

“Since when do you quote Braig?”  Terra asked.

“Wait – that was _you…_ right?”

Vanitas and Terra, who had been working on opposite sides of the aisle of shelves, spun around to face each other.  Instead, they both faced a black-coated, eyepatched man.

“And here I thought you two were just going to ignore me.”  Xigbar grinned.

“What are you doing here?”  Vanitas cut to the chase.

Xigbar picked up one of the toaster ovens.  “Xemmy blew out the microwave trying to ‘warm some hearts’ or something.  Pretty sure he was trying to bake pie.  Anyway, I need my burritos.”

Terra’s eyes narrowed.  “You came all the way here… for a _toaster oven.”_

“Hey, you’re not using them.”  Xigbar shrugged.  “Gotta go.  Can’t be late for Burrito Time.”  He opened a dark corridor, but before he stepped through, he paused.  “Oh, and while you’re at it, there’s a little mess over on Aisle Forty-Two you might wanna clean up.”  He saluted the two boys mockingly.  “Later.”

_“Little mess?”_ Terra asked as Xigbar disappeared with the toaster oven.  “Has he seen this place?”

Vanitas didn’t respond.

“What, you know something I don’t?”

“I dared Roxas and Xion to come down here this morning… did you see them today?”

“Seriously, Van?!”

“It’s _Vanitas!”_

“Whatever!  Come on!”

XXX

Thanks to his status as a heart of pure darkness, Vanitas had pretty good night vision.  But even that wasn’t helping as they approached Aisle Forty-Two, following the glowing number signs hanging from the formless ceiling.  Terra nearly ran into walls on multiple occasions.  Vanitas tripped over some sort of small cage and tried not to wonder what had once been in it.  Probably demon rats.  Or, like, baby Cthulhus.  _Not thinking about it._

Terra’s flashlight wasn’t helping much, either.  The darkness was thick, like a fog, and the beam of light couldn’t penetrate it.

“I don’t hear anyone.”  Terra frowned.  “Or any _thing.”_

“What do you think, they’re already dead?”

_“Vanitas!”_

“Ten munny says we find a body.”  Vanitas grinned.

“Shut up!  …And ten munny’s not worth anything anyway!”

Finally, more by dumb (and blind) luck than anything, they made it to Aisle Forty-Two.

“Did you just rip one?”  Vanitas’s mask couldn’t keep out the permeating putrid stench.

“Uh, I think it’s _that.”_ Terra pointed down at the broken eggshells surrounding their feet.  _Giant_ broken eggshells, with dark mist leaking from them.  That made a little more sense – even Terra couldn’t smell _that_ bad.

“So we have giant eggs… but what _layed_ the eggs?”  Vanitas asked.

A shrill roar answered.

Keyblades flashed into Terra and Vanitas’s hands as they turned towards the source of the roar.  Unfortunately, it was still too dark to see what it was, or even how far away it was.

Vanitas, if only to prove to Terra that he wasn’t scared – which he _wasn’t_ – charged towards the sound.

“Van, wait—”

“Don’t be a wimp, come on!”

Terra wanted to ask who was a wimp _now_ when Vanitas flinched at the sudden light – bright blue light, illuminating the large, winged creature snarling at them from a few feet away.

“Whoa.” Vanitas forgot to be scared.  Or not scared.  Or think in general.  The glowing dragon mesmerized him even as it prepared to breathe a blue firebolt in their direction.

“Get down!”  Terra yelled, tackling him to the ground football-style.  The firebolt whizzed over them faster than Xigbar on his way to Burrito Time.  Their backs barely escaped being burned.

“Get off of me!”  Vanitas shoved him off (easier said than done; Terra weighed as much as a mountain) and scrambled to his feet.

“Have you lost it?!  That thing just tried to kill us!”

Vanitas wasn’t sure if he was being brave or stupid when he ran towards the creature again, but he had to know what it was, because… he’d rather die than admit it to anyone, but it was _beautiful._ His Unversed were drunk elephants compared to the grace and strength this creature displayed as it pounced at him.

Vanitas dodge-rolled out of the way in the nick of time, then spun around to finally get a good look at the creature.  Its webbed wings were splayed wide; its green eyes glowed with fire; its tail lashed around the aisle, knocking Terra back against a shelf.

“You’re a dragon.”  Vanitas grinned.  “How cool do you think Aqua will think I am when I bring _you_ home?”

“Vanitas-!  You know what, forget it.  If you want to be an idiot, go for it.”  Terra had to brace himself against the shelves to get to his feet.  Little did he know said shelves had been damaged by the dragon’s tail, and his weight was all it took to send fifty tubs of ice cream crashing down on both himself and the dragon.

It roared in pain, releasing a weak bolt of fire that struck Vanitas’s face – or it would have, if he hadn’t been wearing his helmet.  Which was thankfully fireproof.

_“Terra!”_ Vanitas yelled, even though the other boy was buried under tubs of ice cream (which were still frozen despite not being stored in a freezer).  “You’re hurting my dragon!”

“Ugh… I wish I had my armor right about now…” Terra moaned.

Meanwhile, the black dragon was still lashing about in pain, flailing its wings and tail and legs everywhere.  Vanitas was quick enough to duck and dodge, but Terra, distracted by his own pain, was quickly knocked unconscious.

“Hey, Hey!”  Vanitas called to his dragon.  “Calm down, it’s just some dumb ice cream!”  He used the deck command Tornado (borrowed from Ventus; he probably wouldn’t even miss it) to blow away the tubs of ice cream.  He’d probably pick them up later, if he got hungry.

The dragon whimpered, shielding itself with its wings.

“Hey.  Don’t be a baby.”  Vanitas cast Curaga over it, and the green glow seemed to sedate it.  Its wings drooped a little, and its green eyes blinked.  “Do you have a name?”

It yawned loudly, releasing a horrible stench.  “Ew, someone needs a breathmint…”  He guessed it couldn’t talk.  Or communicate with him via telepathy, like his Unversed occasionally did in their simple way.  Which stunk.  Dragons probably had really cool things to say.

“Hmm… I guess I get to name you, then.”  Vanitas thought hard.  His dragon needed a cool name, the _coolest_ name.  But what was a name cool enough for a dragon?

While he’d been thinking, the dragon had begun to sniff around the ice cream tubs, some of which had lost their lids in the crash.  It tentatively stuck its wide tongue into a tub of vanilla and lapped at the frozen treat.  Eyes widening in tasty discovery, it chomped the whole tub in one bite.

“So you like vanilla ice cream, huh?”  Vanitas grinned.  “Well, ice cream’s cool, and it starts with van- like my name… Vanilla it is.”  The contrast between the midnight-black dragon and the white ice cream was clever, too, he thought.

Vanilla kept gobbling up ice cream tubs, oblivious to its new name.

“Dragons are cooler than cleaning.  Come on, let’s go show you off to Aqua,” Vanitas said, scooping up one of the last uneaten tubs in his arms.  Vanilla instantly grew interested in him again.  “That’s it, this way…”

Poor Terra was left lying on the Basement floor.

XXX

Aqua was stunned silent.  She had expected many things from sending Terra and Vanitas down into the Basement – arguing, a Boss Battle, maybe some form of bonding.  At the very peak of her hopes was the thought that maybe they would be required to work together to bring down whatever monster lurked in the Basement and realize that fighting to impress her was ridiculous.  Maybe that was a farfetched hope, but what had actually happened was even more farfetched.

“You brought back a dragon,” Aqua deadpanned, unable to add tone to her voice.  Said dragon was currently uprooting various lamps, as the Lampshade Garden was the place Aqua thought he would cause the least damage.  Or at least not damage anything anyone particularly cared about.

“His name’s Vanilla,” Vanitas proudly informed her.  “Isn’t he awesome?”

He named the dragon ‘Vanilla.’  Honestly, she couldn’t even be surprised anymore.  “…Van, I’m sorry.  You can’t keep a dragon in the castle.”

“What?!”  His expression was something like a child who’d opened a present on Christmas, only to find a pair of sweaty gym socks.  “But he’s already been living here, and he hasn’t hurt anyone!”

“He scared Roxas and Xion half to death,” Aqua replied.

“Only ‘cause they’re wimps,” Vanitas grumbled.

“He’s not a pet.  He’s a wild animal,” she continued.  “Where did he come from?”

“The basement, _duh.”_ He rolled his eyes.  “I told you, he lives here!  And he’s _mine!”_

Aqua sighed, massaging the bridge of her nose.  She felt like a parent trying to explain why they couldn’t have a puppy.  Only in this case, the puppy was a giant firebreathing reptile.  “You can’t take care for him.  Where will you keep him?  What will he eat?  How will you deal with his… excrement?”

“Here, ice cream, and dark corridors,” he ticked off the answers in succession.  Aqua blinked.  So at least he thought… somewhat.  That didn’t change the fact that ‘Vanilla’ – who was currently highly focused on breathing a tiny jet of fire to light a kerosene lamp – was dangerous.

But then again… _Everyone_ here was pretty dangerous.  Including Vanitas.  Maybe it would do him good to have something to take care of… it seemed to have taken his attention away from her, at least.  If the dragon stopped him and Terra from fighting over her – wait, thinking of Terra…

“Where’s Terra?”  Aqua asked, suddenly worried.

“Oh.”  Vanitas blinked.  “Uh, Aisle Forty-Two.  Possibly sleeping.  He got… tired.”

_“Vanitas.”_

“Would you believe me if I said it was a freak ice cream accident?”

“Just come on,” Aqua ordered wearily.

“But what about—”

“Vanilla can stay here.”

“Aww.”

XXX

“Well, it _was_ a freak ice cream accident…”  Vanitas said when they reached Aisle Forty-Two, where Terra was still sprawled on the ground amidst melted ice cream and dragon eggshells.  “Vanilla ate most of it.”

“Oh, Terra…”  Aqua ignored him, rushing to her other friends’ side.  She wiped a glob of egg-goop off of his face, and he moaned.

“Nngh… why does it smell like I’m laying in a toilet…?”  He asked weakly, and Aqua laughed.

“Probably because you are.”  Who knew how much dragon waste was around here?

Terra quickly sat up – too quickly; dizziness swept over him, and Aqua had to catch him before he fell back onto the soiled floor.  “Careful.  I heard you had a ‘freak ice cream accident.’”

“Sort of,” Terra mumbled.  “Part of it was a freak _dragon_ accident.”

“You better not be saying anything bad about Vanilla,” Vanitas called from the other end of the aisle.

Terra rolled his eyes.  “I will never understand him.”

Aqua sighed.  “I hoped you two might be able to bond some today, and get over your—” she caught herself just in time.

“Get over what?”  Terra raised an eyebrow, and Aqua blushed.  Thankfully it was too dark for him to tell.

“…Stupid male rivalry,” she tried to explain in a way that didn’t implicate that she knew they both had a crush on her.

He chuckled weakly.  “Guess it _is_ pretty stupid.  I shouldn’t need to prove I’m better than him.”

“I heard that!”  Vanitas yelled.

“I know!”  Terra tried to yell back, but it dissolved into coughing.

“Calm down.  You’ll only hurt yourself again.”

“I’m _fine…”_ Terra tried to stand again, to no avail.

“I’ve got you.”  Aqua lifted him enough for him to lean against her.

“You’re stronger than you get credit for,” Terra noted as she bore most of his weight.

She laughed, but straining as she was, it came out as more of a grunt.  “Well, you don’t get to be a Keyblade Master by sitting on the couch eating Twinkies.”

Terra laughed.

“Can you two stop flirting?”  Vanitas snapped, crossing his arms impatiently.  “I’ve got a dragon to go train.”

Aqua wondered if Terra was blushing as much as she was.  “We don’t plan on staying down here long.  Help me carry Terra and we’ll be out faster.”

“Ugh…”  Vanitas opened a dark corridor.  “You can make it that far, can’t you?”

“No thanks to you,” Terra said.

“Actually, you better be thanking me, because otherwise you gotta hike allll the way back to the entrance,” Vanitas pointed out.

“Thank you, Vanitas,” Aqua said to placate him.  “You can go play with Vanilla now.”

“I’m not _playing_ with him, I’m _training_ him.”

“…Actually, I think Vanilla’s a girl.” Aqua pointed to the ground. “Look at all the eggs.”

Terra’s eyes widened.  “Please tell me that doesn’t mean Vanilla’s got a mate around here.”

Aqua frowned.  “I don’t know how dragons work… they might be unfertilized, like chicken eggs, but I couldn’t tell you.  You should ask Ienzo about her, Van.”

“Ugh, research.”  Vanitas sighed.  “Fine.  Let’s just get out of here.”

XXX

“Is there anything else I can do to help you feel better?”  Aqua asked after Terra had cleaned up and was resting in the infirmary.  Even her Curaga hadn’t been enough to completely heal him.  He suspected it was more from sleeping in dragon dung than from being knocked unconscious.  He didn’t want to know what kind of diseases he could’ve caught.

“Hmm...” Terra thought.  Or maybe he didn’t think, because he suddenly asked, “Do you like me better than Vanitas?”

Aqua recoiled in surprise.  “Terra, you’re my best friend.  You and Ven both are.  You know that.”

“So… What does that make Vanitas?”  Why was he asking this now?  Maybe he had already caught a disease.

“Another friend.  I can have more than two friends, Terra.”  She averted her eyes, and he sighed.

“I know.  It’s just…”

She interrupted, “I haven’t spent enough time with you lately, have I?  You or Ven.  It’s my fault… I know I’m busy, but that’s no excuse to neglect my best friends.”

“Aqua, it’s okay,” he assured her, reaching over to touch her hand, which twitched at the contact.  “You’re doing fine.  Great, actually.  Anyone else would’ve cracked under the pressure…”  This time he averted his gaze.  “Especially with me and Vanitas always trying to one-up each other over you.  I thought I was helping, but I wasn’t, was I?  That’s why you sent us down to the Basement.”

Aqua swallowed the tension in her throat.  “Yes.  That couldn’t have been the best solution, either…”

“Hey, it’s fine.  At least Vanitas has something to be happy about now.”

“Yeah…  Terra?”

The uncertain note in his voice made his palms sweat.  “What?”

“I… know you like me.”

Sure, it was about as blatant as obvious as Marluxia’s hair was pink, but it was too late to fix that.  If only he could be as tough on the inside as he was on the outside…

“And?”  He mustered the courage to ask.

“…I… you’re a great friend, Terra, and one day… maybe we’ll be together, but I can’t handle a relationship with everything else going on right now.  I’m sorry.”

Terra bolted upright in his cot.  “Wait, does that mean you _do_ like me, or not?”

“Um…”  She blushed.  “Honestly, I couldn’t tell you.  I haven’t had enough time to figure it out yet.  But… it’s a possibility.”

He grinned, mentally sighing in relief.  “I’ll take it.”  He’d been afraid he’d get shot down faster than a lead zeppelin, so anything less than that was good enough for now.

“It’s not a promise…”  She didn’t want to raise his hopes too high.

“I know,” he assured her, “and I don’t need one.  Thank you for being honest.”

He thought he could see her mental relief-sigh, too.  “That’s one thing I can promise.”

And that was one of the many, many reasons he loved his best friend.


	15. Riku's Rest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, forgot to mention in the last chapter, but Vanilla is basically a Night Fury. :P And my headcanon about the basement is that it’s the weakest part of Castle Lampshade in terms of defense because it’s basically where several dimensions intersect, which is why Xigbar can use his space-powers to get in there, R-2 could accidentally find his way in through the other fic’s basement, and a Night Fury could end up there. (It had been there for a long time eating various Basement things, by the way.)

For once, Riku felt like he had actually made decent progress before he Dropped.  He’d defeated the Char Clawbster, earned a new keyblade, and even had time to go back and scour Prankster’s Paradise for the few treasure chests he’d missed.  When the Drop Gauge sounded its alarm, he closed his eyes and smiled.  Man, was he looking forward to a good rest—

Suddenly his head hit the floor of Castle Lampshade, but not from a poorly-landed Drop.  _Something_ had him pinned, but his head was still spinning; what _was_ that thing?

He blinked a few times to clear his vision, only for his face to get covered in slobber.  “Please tell me someone just adopted a very big, very annoying dog…”

As he wiped his face, he saw two large, green, reptilian eyes staring down at him.

“Vanilla!  What did I tell you about licking?!”  Vanitas yelled at the creature crushing Riku’s lungs.  A creature which was black, and scaled, and winged.

“…We now have a dragon.  Named _Vanilla.”_ Riku barely managed to talk with the dragon sitting on top of him.

 _“I_ have a dragon named Vanilla,” Vanitas announced proudly.  “Come on, Vanilla, over here!”  He took off his helmet and used it to reflect a patch of light onto the carpet, which quickly caught the dragon’s attention.  “See?  I trained her.”

“…Sure,” Riku said when Vanilla started clawing at the carpet to try and capture the light.  _I’m gone for_ one _Drop Cycle…_

He shadowed his way out of the lobby, letting out a breath when he managed to escape to the elevator without getting another dragon-glomp.

“Peace and quiet,” he said, probably too soon, because just then the elevator’s background music started blaring “ _It’s a Small World.”_

Those two minutes up to the thirteenth floor had never felt more agonizing.  When he finally stepped out, his left eye had picked up an irritating twitch.

“Are you okay?”  Naminé asked as Riku passed her on the way to his room.

“Never better,” he replied sarcastically. 

“Oh.  Well, um, hope you feel better…”

Remembering how she would often feel guilty for things that weren’t her fault, Riku sighed and turned back to talk to her.  “Sorry, Naminé.  It’s just been a long Drop Cycle.”

“It’s okay,” she said, almost smiling.  “I’m sure it’s tough, being the hero.”

He chuckled slightly.  “You have no idea.”

It wasn’t the hero part as much as the Dropping part that bothered him.  He never wanted to sleep too close to when he would need to Drop, so as to avoid the fate that Sora suffered when he was caught in his paopu-print boxers.  (Not that Riku’s own boxers were nearly that embarrassing, but that wasn’t the point.)

“Well, you’re right about that,” Naminé said softly.  “Maybe you could tell me sometime, when you’re not too busy?”

He was sure she didn’t mean it as a jab, but it hurt to be reminded of how little time he’d spent with his friends, including Naminé.  During other games he wouldn’t even return to the castle at all, which was almost easier.  At least then he wasn’t expected to balance work, sleep, _and_ a social life on a crazy Drop-induced schedule.

“Yeah.  Hopefully it won’t have to wait until after we defeat Xehanort,” Riku tried to joke, but it came out a little too serious.  He guessed it kind of was, but he didn’t need to throw all his angst and worry at her.

“Hopefully.”  She smiled at him.  “See you, Riku.”

“Bye, Naminé.”

Though he didn’t blame her at all, even the short encounter was eating into his sleeping time.  Maybe it would’ve been less of a problem if his last turn at Castle Lampshade hadn’t been cut short by Sora Dropping early at a save point after failing to defeat Chill Clawbster too many times.

Tired as he was, he still had the energy to use his Flowmotion to kick off and propel himself from wall to wall, trying to save as much time as possible. _Guess you never realize how quickly time passes until it’s ticking down in front of your face…_

However, as his luck would have it, his haste had the unfortunate side effect of sending him barreling into Terra’s bedroom when the brunette opened his door to leave.

“Whoa!”  Terra ducked just in time to keep his head.  Riku let out an undignified yelp as he crashed into a pile of dirty clothes (all of which were Terra’s same outfit).

“Ughhhck…”  He shook a sweaty sock out of his silky hair.  Now he’d definitelyhave to fit a shower into his schedule – if he could even get to his room before he Dropped again…  “Sorry Terra…”

“What’s the rush?”  The slightly-older teen asked.  “Is it Steak Night?  Nah, I think that was last week…”

Riku couldn’t care less about what they were having for dinner that night.  Unknown to any of Castle Lampshade’s other inhabitants, he kept a stash of Girl Scout Cookies in his room that he had found in the Basement when he had to look for the Christmas decorations.  How safe they were he wasn’t sure, but hey, he wasn’t dead yet.  They had curbed his hunger during the many nights he’d been in the game during dinner.

“Just trying to get to my room,” he answered curtly.  Terra didn’t seem to hear.

“Oh yeah!  I meant to ask, you got time for a sparring match?  No one else’s kept in shape around here, and I know you’ve gotten pretty good.”

Riku hated to crush his excitement, but even the thought of fighting right now made him want to collapse and fall asleep right there on the other keyblade wielder’s floor. 

“I’ll take a raincheck.”  He didn’t mean to sound so disinterested.  “Maybe I can fit one in next week.”

“Oh.  Yeah, I guess that’ll work.”  Terra still sounded let down, but Riku couldn’t help it.  He knew he’d already regret offering his time next week, when he’d likely be facing an even more difficult and energy-draining world.

“If you still want someone now, you can ask Repliku,” Riku had the idea to suggest.  “He’s been training too.”  The replica hated the idea of his original getting too far ahead of him, Riku knew.  He’d almost been collateral damage in Repliku and Vanitas’s “sparring” matches (which looked a little overly intense to him) every day so far this week.

Terra grinned.  “Thanks, Riku.  No one to take your place like your clone, right?”

“Yeah,” he deadpanned.  All these years after _Chain of Memories,_ he preferred to think of Repliku as his twin rather than his clone.  “See you later.”

“See ya!”

They both left Terra’s room and headed in opposite directions.  No more Flowmotion; his room waited only a few doors away.  _Surely_ nothing else would interrupt in such a short time—

_WROOOO WROOO WROOOOOOOOOOO WROOO WROOO WROOOOOOOOO_

Suddenly characters came flooding out of their rooms – some of them quite literally.  Kairi blasted her door down with a wave of water magic, which swept Riku off of his feet and carried him down the hallway, back the way he’d come.

“NO-!”  _glubglubglub…_ The water censored any curses he might’ve shouted before the Disney censors could.

“Chill out, Kairi!” He heard Hayner shout when he swam to the top of the water.  “It’s just a drill!”

Riku thanked his childhood on Destiny Islands for his superior swimming abilities, which carried him towards Kairi in spite of the opposing current.

“What in the name of Kingdom Hearts is going _on?!”_ He finally gave up trying to be polite.

“Fire drill,” Kairi said, taking his hand and dragging him back, _still_ away from his room, to where the wave had poured down the stairs.  “Is this your first time?”

“You mean this is a _regular thing?”_ And nobody thought to _tell_ him? 

She nodded as they ran down the stairs as quickly as they could without tripping.  “Kind of.  It’s sometime every two weeks, whenever Demyx isn’t busy being lazy.  You know, since he’s the best water elemental.  Plus then it’s a surprise.”

The headache-inducing _WROOO WROOO WROOOOOOO_ was still blaring so loud, he wouldn’t have been able to hear his Drop Siren over it.  He definitely wouldn’t have time for a shower now; hopefully the wave had washed him clean enough.  Still, his hair would hate him for the lack of shampoo and conditioner.

“Great.  More surprises.”  Riku rolled his eyes.  “Exactly what I needed in my life.”

“It won’t take long,” she tried to assure him.  How many more flights of stairs did they have?  His legs were the things that needed a fire drill; maybe then they wouldn’t be burning.  “After everyone gets outside the lobby and Demyx’s water clones put out the fire, Aqua will come over the intercom to tell us it’s over.”

“Yeah, I’m sure _that_ won’t take—wait, did you say there’s an _actual fire?!”_ He nearly tripped down the seventh flight of stairs.

“How would we know if we’d escape a real fire if we didn’t have a real fire?”  Kairi said, like it made perfect sense, which it _didn’t._ For once, he was thankful to at least partially be in the game.  Clearly something about Castle Lampshade turned perfectly sane people into lunatics.

They had just passed the door to the sixth floor when Ventus burst out of it, the raging fire hot on his heels.

“Demyx!  DEMYX, where are you!?”  Ven yelled, running with Riku and Kairi.

“Let me guess: he was supposed to put out the fire already.”

“Yeah, and I kind of messed it up…  I think I was supposed to use Fira, but I accidentally used Triple Firaga…”

“You know that command?”  Kairi asked, sounding impressed, even as the spell chased them down the corridor.

“Yeah, Aqua just taught me—”

“Less talking, more running!”  Riku yelled.  “Actually, Kairi!  Do your wave magic again!”

“Er- I’m not sure I can…”

“Look, there’s no time for you to be modest!  Just do it!”

“It would be easier if you weren’t _stressing_ me!”

“ _I’m_ stressing you?”  Sweat broke out on Riku’s back as the fire gained on them.

“Yes, you are!”  She snapped, summoning her flowery keyblade.

“What do you want me to do, give you a glass of milk and sing you a lullaby?  I already got my hair chopped off once, I’m not getting the rest of it burned off!”

“You’re hair’s fine!  Now give me a minute…”

They were almost to the first floor.  Riku had no idea how the fire was still following them; a normal fire would’ve run out of fuel by now considering there was nothing in the stairwell but metal railings and concrete steps.  Ventus must’ve messed up even worse than he thought.

Kairi tried to summon her wave, but only a small water orb condensed at the tip of her keyblade.  It evaporated within seconds.  If they didn’t put out the fire before they reached the door, it would burn down the whole lobby…

“Don’t we have an emergency sprinkler system?”  Ven asked as Kairi kept trying to coax the magic through her keyblade.

“Apparently not,” Riku said, flipping through his command deck for _something_ that might help.  Not Dark Splicer, not Aerial Slam, _definitely_ not Fire Windmill –

“This is a long shot,” he muttered to himself, using a command he had only equipped to level up and to meld to make better commands.  Worst case scenario, he failed, and lost all his hair, and quite possibly lost some flesh as well –

 _And_ didn’t get to sleep that night.

So he cast Stop.  He was honestly surprised when the flames completely froze behind him.  The red and orange plasma still radiated heat, but if he had been any less aware of that, he would have been tempted to touch the immobile translucent tendrils.  He shook his head to snap himself out of it.

“Eat this.”  Riku shoved an Ether at Kairi, trying not to waste their short reprieve.  Still, she sniffed and squeezed it before taking an awkward bite from the Jell-O-like cube.  He hadn’t thought about it, but she’d probably never used an Ether before.  “Try your magic again now.”

“Okay…”

The fire unfroze just before she waved her keyblade – but also at the wave of her keyblade, a foaming wave surged up to drown the flames.  Steam erupted from the clash, turning the stairwell into a sauna.  It would’ve been pretty relaxing if he weren’t still pumped on adrenaline.

“Yes!”  Kairi cheered, jumping up and hi-fiving Ven.

“Awesome!”  He congratulated her, as if Riku had done nothing.

“Thanks, Riku,” Kairi remembered at least, giving him a quick hug.  He stared through the steam, just to make sure the fire really was put out, before allowing himself to relax.  “I couldn’t have done it without you.”

“You’re welcome,” he replied exhaustedly.  “Let’s just not make a habit of it.”

“Yeah, let’s not…”

They finally reached the first floor and opened the door to the lobby, flooding it with steam.  Through the steam, though, Riku could clearly see Demyx reclining against the wall, tossing a ball of yarn back and forth with Vanitas’s dragon.

“What are you doing here!?  We _needed_ you!”  Kairi went off on him before Riku could even open his mouth.  It was a refreshing change.

“Huh?  My water clones were working on that,” Demyx replied, honestly sounding confused.

“Well we sure didn’t see any!”  Kairi put her hands on her hips.  “And the fire almost got us!”

“Huh…”  Demyx rubbed his chin.  “My water clones are way less lazy than me.  They wouldn’t blow off Fire Drill.”  He paused as Vanilla dropped the green, slobbery yarn ball at his feet.  “…Unless I forgot to summon them… yeah, that could’ve happened…”

“ _FORGOT!?”_ Kairi still had her keyblade handy, and she wasn’t too shy to wave it threateningly in front of Demyx’s chest.  Well, as ‘threateningly’ as a Princess of Heart could wave a frilly rainbow key, anyway.

“Woah, woah!  Chill out!”  He raised his hands in a show of innocence.  “It’s not my fault! Vanilla was too scared to go outside the castle, and since I wasn’t gonna get burned up even if the fire got down here, Vani made me watch her for him.  She’s pretty distracting, y’know.”  He threw the yarn-slobber-ball across the room again, and the dragon happily pranced after it.

“…I don’t even have the energy to argue with you.”  Riku shook his head and walked off towards the elevator.  Though the alarm hadn’t sounded yet, his Drop Gauge was getting dangerously low.  Forget Sora for now, he was downing a Drop-Me-Never as soon as he got to his room.  Actually, he drank it now, just in case.

“I’m going to bed.  If the castle burns down, don’t wake me up.”


	16. The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey look, it's the last chapter. Cool.

Sora just saw the credits begin to roll as he Dropped back to Castle Lampshade for the last time.

“Ahhh,” he took a deep breath and let it out.  The freshly-vacuumed carpet had never smelled so good.

“Hey, welcome back!”  Ven powered off the vacuum.  Sora had the strangest sense of déjà vu, but he ignored it and grinned at his friend.

“Yeah, I’m back for good this time!  Well, not for good for good, but y’know, I might be eighty before they need me for _Kingdom Hearts III.”_ He shrugged, glancing around the room.  “Sooo… where is everyone?”  He thought they might be here, waiting to welcome him home.  He found it odd that Kairi at the very least wasn’t here.

“Oh.”  Ven rubbed the back of his head.  “I’d check the Fourth Wall Window.  There was something going on in there…”

“Something?”  Sora asked.  Ven unplugged the vacuum and curled up the cord, but left it sitting in the middle of the lobby.

“You’ll see~”  He sing-songed, leading the way to the elevator.  Was it some sort of surprise party?  Sora’s heart lifted at the thought, but he pretended he didn’t have a clue.

“Is it Mail Day?”  He asked.  Wait, was it Mail Day?  No, Mail Day was Monday; today was Friday.  It got hard to keep up when his sleep schedule was constantly interrupted with Drops.  But today, that finally ended.

“Nope~!”

A short elevator ride later, they arrived at the doors to the Fourth Wall Window.  It was definitely loud enough in there to be a party, but if it was a surprise party, wouldn’t they be keeping quiet?

Not wasting any time on dramatics, Ven threw open the doors.  “Hey guys, look who’s here!”

Only about half of the crowded room heard him.  The other half was too preoccupied, but it only took Sora a moment to see why.

“Riku!”  Sora knew he’d just seen his best friend on the other side of the Fourth Wall, but that didn’t stop him from shoving through the crowd to glomp him.  “I didn’t know you were back already!”

“Heh.  I’ve always been a little faster than you,” Riku teased.

“Hey!”  Sora punched him lightly, not that the silverette would’ve felt it much had it been full-force. 

“Welcome back, Sora.”  Aqua smiled.  “We were just congratulating Riku on his Mark of Mastery.”

“Oh.”  Sora scanned the room, where the now-dark television screens were covered with purple banners that read _CONGRATULATIONS, RIKU!_ in bright gold letters.  Not a single mention of his own name… not that it mattered, of course.  He was happy for his best friend.  “Well, cool!  He deserves it,” he added to make up for his jealous thought.

“Yeah…”  Riku ran a hand through his still-too-short hair.  “Honestly, I was just looking forward to taking a long nap…”

“Like me, huh?”  Sora laughed.  He still wasn’t quite used to Riku being modest.  If he’d gotten his Mark, he’d be bouncing off the walls right now.

That got a laugh out of Riku, too, which made Sora feel better.  Now there was only one thing missing.

“Where’s Kairi?”

“I suspect she’ll be back soon,” Aqua answered, scanning the crowd.

“Master Yen Sid wanted her for something,” Riku added.  “I think she’s going to be training, too.”

“With her keyblade?”  Sora could hardly contain his excitement.

“I don’t see why not,” Terra wandered over, munching on a brownie.  “We need all the help we can get.”

“You got _that_ right,” Vanitas tailed him with a grin.  “’Cause chances are Nomura’ll throw me over on the other side.  I get I’ll get to kick your butt on the big screen.”

“Yeah, right.”  Terra snorted.  “Light always wins in the end.”

Vanitas laughed.  “Says the one who got possessed by Master Xehanort for over ten years!”

Aqua shot him a glare.  “As long as you’re under our castle, you should be polite.”

He huffed, rolling his eyes.  “Whatever.  Me and Vanilla are still totally going to kick your butts.”

Sora’s eyebrows creased as he watched his darker incarnation leave.  “Who’s Vanilla?”

“You still haven’t met her?”  Riku suppressed a grin.

“Seriously, how did you miss that?”  Terra wiped crumbs off his mouth.  “She’s only a giant _dragon,_ for Kingdom Heart’s sakes.”

“Really?”  Sora grinned.  “Do we get to have real dragons in Kingdom Hearts now?  ‘Cause Mushu was cool and all, but if I had a _giant_ dragon summon—”

“I wouldn’t get my hopes up,” Riku warned.  “It’s probably copyright infringement.”

“Man…”

“So, you think you’ll have time to take me up on that sparring match any time soon?”  Terra asked Riku.  Just the thought of fighting brought on a fresh wave of exhaustion.

“I’ll see what I can do the day after tomorrow.”

“What, are you going to sleep all day tomorrow?”  Sora asked.  Sure, he was tired, but he was planning on spending as much interrupted time with Kairi as he could.

“Not exactly…”  Sora swore Riku’s face turned red.

“Well, what are you doing?”

“Um…”

Naminé chose that moment to materialize from the crowd.  “Can I tell them?”

Riku jumped; he hadn’t seen her there.  Not that it bothered him, his reflexes were just usually better than that…  “I don’t see why not,” he said, smiling a little.  Naminé’s face lit up with a grin; Sora hadn’t seen her that happy… well, ever.

“Riku and I are going on our first date.”

Sora laughed and clapped his best friend on the back.  “Awesome, Riku!  You too, Naminé!”

“You and Kairi can double with us if you want,” Riku suggested, actually sounding a little… shy?  Why would Riku be shy?  Going on a date didn’t make him nervous, did it?

“Of course!”  He wouldn’t miss it for anything, no matter what.  He felt giddy just thinking about it.

“So, what do you say, Aqua?”  Terra grinned teasingly.  “You wanna make that a triple date?”

The blue-haired girl blushed a deep pink.  “First of all, we weren’t invited.”  Terra’s expression fell.  “Second, I’d rather not look like their chaperone.”

“Yeah…” Terra agreed glumly, but Aqua smiled.

“And third, I would prefer to do something with just you.”

The brunette looked dumbstruck for a moment, before he finally realized what she meant.

“Yes!”  He fistpumped shamelessly.  Vanitas could kick his butt in KHIII all he wanted, but he couldn’t take this victory away from Terra.

Aqua laughed, rolling her eyes.  “Well, I don’t know what you all plan to do, but I’m going to enjoy the party while I can.  Welcome home, Sora and Riku.”

She walked off, Terra nearly skipping behind her.  Sora didn’t try to hold back his laugh.

“It’s good to be back.”  He smiled.

Riku nodded in content agreement.  “It certainly is.”

XXX

The Castle That Never Was had come out surprisingly unscathed.  Well, as unscathed as it was before Sora and Riku’s second arrival; it had never really recovered from _Kingdom Hearts II._ Saïx and Xigbar blamed Xemnas’s skyscraper-throwing for that, but none of them particularly cared about the scenery anyway.

“So that’s that, eh?”  Xigbar brushed his coat off and stretched, reclining in his giant white chair.  “Some plan, huh.”

“Sora could never bask in the glow of Kingdom Hearts.”  Xemnas shook his head, lording over the room in the tallest chair again now that Impetus had returned to his own time.  It felt good to be rid of him and regain his rightful place.

“Nah, the Imp was really trying, though.”  Xigbar chuckled.  “Even hired all those actors so he could bluff his way through it.  Bet he’s glad the old coot didn’t show.”

Xemnas nodded.  Even if they needed to pretend they had thirteen vessels, allowing complete strangers to don the Organization’s sacred coat was a disgrace.  He could hardly believe Impetus had allowed it.  “Master Xehanort would have destroyed us all.  That was a risk even Luxord would not have gambled.”

“Ah, well, the odds of Sora saving the day are usually high enough to bet on.  Honestly, I was surprised he slept through the whole ending.”  Xigbar scratched his eyepatch.  “I’m sure Flamsilocks enjoyed his stunt in the spotlight, though.”

If he hoped he could draw some sort of reaction out of Saïx, who had practically been comatose since the end of the game, he was sadly mistaken.

“Yo, Moony.  How was the reunion?”  He was rubbing salt in an open wound, but he couldn’t let Saïx slip back into zombie-mode without doing anything about it.

The blue-haired man finally graced him with a weak stare, which lasted for about five seconds before his head dropped again.

“With whom did you have a reunion?”  Xemnas asked.  The events of the past few hours had been rather chaotic.  “Did our beloved Kingdom Hearts return?  Did I miss her?”

“…No,” Saïx finally muttered when it became clear that Xigbar wouldn’t answer.

“There ya go.  Use those vocal chords.”

“…Shut up, Xigbar.”

“Heh, but then it’d be too quiet in here.  Hate to leave everyone alone with their angst.”  He scratched his head.  “For what it’s worth, I think you’ll get a chance to make things right.”

If he was talking about _Kingdom Hearts III,_ Saïx didn’t have a lot of hope.  “I may have to wait eighty years for that chance.”

Xigbar laughed.  “Don’t get all emo on me yet.  Word on the street says Nomura’s got something planned for us before then.”

Xemnas perked up.  “What are these plans of which you speak?”

As much as Xigbar loved suspense, they’d been through enough today.  He laid it out straight for them.  “Oh, nothing much.  Just a remake every single Kingdom Hearts game, sans this one.”  He grinned.  “You know what that means, right?”

Xemnas frowned in confusion.  “More time we must spend waiting for _Kingdom Hearts III?”_

“Well, yeah, but not just that,” Xigbar said.  “It means we get to go back through all the old games.  At least for a little while, we get to be who we were.”

Realization dawned on Xemnas.  “You mean…”

“…Not possessed by Xehanort?”  Saïx’s voice sounded hopeful for the first time since they’d been in the Reorganization Organization.

“Bingo.”  Xigbar grinned, then snapped his fingers.  “Ah, I’m gonna have my eye back for a little while!   And my sweet scarf!”

“I…” Saïx still looked uncertain.  “…I get to be Isa?  I get to… see Lea?”

“I get to see my beloved?”

“Sheesh, you two and your sentiment.  Some Nobodies you are.” Xigbar rolled his eyes, but he was still grinning.  “But yeah.  Nomura needed the Imp to figure out the whole time travel thing before we could do these ‘ReMIX’ games, but now we’re good to go.  So at least this whole mess was worth something, huh?”

Saïx was still absorbed in the thought of being his Somebody again.  Xemnas was already composing a love poem to recite to Kingdom Hearts when he saw her.

_“Above the Worlds you shine so bright / Like a diamond in the night,”_ the Superior voiced dramatically.

“Dude, you know that’s just like ‘Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star,’ right?”

Xemnas stared down at him in indignation.  “How dare you suggest such a thing?  It is a completely original composition entitled ‘Glow, Glow, Raging Hearts.”

Xigbar shook his head.  “Whatever you say, Bossman…”

“Thank you,” Saïx finally murmured to Xigbar.

“What was that?”  He grinned.  Saïx scowled.

“I know you heard me.”  He sighed.  “But I will repeat it anyway.  Thank you.  For giving me hope.”

“No problem, Moony.”  For once, Xigbar’s smile was sincere, not teasing.  “How about we celebrate with some ice cream?”

“I approve of this motion,” Xemnas agreed.  Saïx’s mouth twitched into a barely-noticeable smile.

It had been a long time since his sea-salt ice cream tasted so sweet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That wraps it up! Lol, I know 3D’s been out for a long time now, really should’ve finished this a while ago. But oh well, the past is in the past. :P
> 
> Vanilla will likely cameo in “Unbreakable Chains” at some point if anyone’s sad to see her go. :P Honestly, I'm sad to not have any good context to write funny Xigbar/Saix/Xemnas friendship anymore. And Vanitas/Aqua/Terra was kind of fun too. This fic gave me the chance to write characters that weren't Demyx, Axel, Roxas, and Xion for a change. xP


End file.
